An Open Letter to Nick Kyrgios

Hello Nick Curious,

I wrote this great piece just after My first match today, and before you created more drama and were defaulted. Just proves how great I am, again.

GOAT here. I thought it was about time I gave you some free advice as staff and I feel you need some assistance given your recent comments about our fellow players.

Nick Kyrgios

We’re going to play a little game called, “What you should have said”. Ready?


On Verdasco, you apparently said:

“He doesn’t say hello, he thinks he’s so good, he thinks he’s God’s gift. Dude, your backhand’s pretty average and let’s be honest, you hit a ball over a net. Guys like that, they drive me insane. There’s no humility there…”

What you should have said:


On Djokovic you apparently said:

“He just wants to be like Roger (Federer),” For me personally – I don’t care right now, I’ve come this far – I feel like he just wants to be liked so much that I just can’t stand him.”

What you should have said:

GOAT Comment: I’m not sure he wants to be like Me, Nick. I mean, on one hand everybody does so I get that, but other than his ever-increasing slam count, there is no comparison.

You apparently went on to say:

“This whole celebration thing (blowing kisses to the crowd) that he does after matches, it’s like so cringeworthy. It’s very cringeworthy.”

What you should have said:

GOAT Comment: We don’t know how you celebrate as you haven’t won a Slam or Masters so…

You apparently went on to say:

“Simply because, I’ve played him twice and like, I’m sorry, but if you can’t beat me, you’re not the greatest of all time.”

What you should have said:

GOAT Comment:  Nick, beating you is not anyone’s barometer of being great. Just saying.

You apparently went on to say:

“Because if you like look at my day-to-day routine and how much I train and how much I put in, it’s zero compared to him.”

What you should have said:

GOAT Comment: Not training is nothing to be proud of. Given your lack of success, you could perhaps try and take it up maybe? Just a thought.

Talking about Rafaello Nadal, you apparently said:

“But as soon as I beat him, it’s just like, ‘He has no respect for me, my fans and no respect to the game’ “.

What you should have said was:

GOAT Comment: Given some of your on-court antics and lack of training, it’s difficult to argue against Rafaello. At least he only uses his water bottles to drink from..

You apparently went on to say about Uncle Toni:

“It’s not a good look for you, I feel. And then Uncle Toni (Nadal) came out saying, ‘He lacks education’. I’m like, ‘Bra, I did 12 years at school, you idiot. I’m very educated. I understand that you’re upset I beat your family again’.”

What you should have said was:

GOAT Comment: Firstly, Toni is everybody’s Uncle and we all love him. Secondly, please ask for a refund on your education. They obviously didn’t teach you about respect, humility and common courtesy. You’re never going to be a champion unless you act like one. P.S. It’s ‘brother’, not Bra. The latter is a garment for female tennis players.

About Me, the journalist claims you said:

“Kyrgios also … said Federer was the undisputed G.O.A.T. (greatest of all time), and spoke fondly about Andy Murray.”

What you should have said was:
Just that. There’s a first time for everything.

I hope you have found this helpful, but I somehow doubt it.

Please do keep this guide and refer to it, often. Pull up your big-boy tennis shorts and play the game. Perhaps the potential we all know you have will then show itself.

Much love,

PF xx

8 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Nick Kyrgios

  1. Except from the Djokovic remark – me too think his celebrating on the court is just a joke – I totally agree with you. #forevertheGOAT

  2. Thank you for that. All very true as is proved by his disqualification from Rome today. Your article made me cry laughing 🙂

  3. One of the best blog posts the GOAT has ever written. I am delighted to call pseudofed my BF!!

  4. GOAT, I was getting cross with You for not hearing from You for so long, but this makes up for it. After I could finally stop laughing, I just thought every single thing You said was so true. Don’t suppose Curious will ever read it, but someone should tell him to. You never know, Your humour might just get through to him, though he doesn’t strike me as someone who has a great sense of humour, or is prepared to laugh at himself.

    Please don’t leave it so long before your next post, Your wit, wisdom and modesty are sorely missed.

    This was your best post ever!!

  5. Judging by yesterday’s performance, Mr.Curious still hasn’t read Your post!

    Keith (Walton tennis fan.)

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