Nick Kyrgios

An Open Letter to Nick Kyrgios

Hello Nick Curious, I wrote this great piece just after My first match today, and before you created more drama and were defaulted. Just proves how great I am, again. GOAT here. I thought it was about time I gave you some free advice as staff and I feel you need some assistance given your…

PseudoFed is Coming to Town

Original written by John Frederick Coots and Haven Gillespie. This version based on Bruce Springsteen and lyrics improved by Me (and staff). (Audio below) You’d better watch out, you’d better not cry You’d better not shout, I’m telling you why PseudoFed is coming to town PseudoFed is coming to town PseudoFed is coming with staff I’m…

Murray Murray Murray

by PseudoFed, Benny Andersson and Björn Ulvaeus Staff work all night, Staff work all day, for lunch and breaks I say no way Ain’t it sad And still there never seems to be a single penny left for them That’s too bad In my dreams I have a plan I really am a wealthy man…

Open letter to all players …

Hello Little Guys, It’s Me, GOAT. I hope you are enjoying the second week of the tournament and are still feeling gratefulness that I chose to depart during the first week. Sometimes when one reaches this level of seniority it is appropriate to let others have a chance too. You’re welcome. So, the quarter-finals are…

The Sound of Tennis – By Simon & PseudoFunkel

Hello grass, my old friend, I’ve come to play on you again, Such a vision of Me sweeping, Groundsman sowing seeds while I was sleeping, The vision of Me that was planted in your brain Still remains Within the sound of tennis. In restless dreams I played Nadal On grass and hard and clay –…

The Twelve Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas Mr. Wimbledon sent to me: A nice bye straight to round three On the second day of Christmas Andrew of the Murrays said to me: 2 Olympic medals and A nice bye straight to round three On the third day of Christmas Novak sent to me: 3 Noisy families 2…

Top Coach Needed

Hello everybody fans, As you may have heard, Paul Anaconda and Me are no longer together. I’d like to say it was good while it lasted. The good news is that I’m potentially looking for a new coach. Recent reports suggest that Andrew of the Murrays is taking time off to play Grand Theft Auto…