Open letter to all players …

Hello Little Guys,

It’s Me, GOAT. I hope you are enjoying the second week of the tournament and are still feeling gratefulness that I chose to depart during the first week. Sometimes when one reaches this level of seniority it is appropriate to let others have a chance too. You’re welcome.

So, the quarter-finals are ahead of you. Before you step on court may I suggest you do so fully prepared with last year’s final between Rafaello and Stanford firmly in mind. You’ll remember Stanford being rather insistent on being made aware of Rafaello’s medical issues, in minute detail. Therefore, if you have any pre-existing physical problems that may cause issues during the match please ensure you satisfy any queries Stanford may have. I recommend a medical certificate for each problem. All documents must be signed by three Doctors and also must be accompanied with 2 x-rays and 3 MRI scans and a partridge in a pear tree. If you are taking any medication it may be a good idea to list the date of prescription and also be prepared to give Stanford the telephone number of the Doctor that supplied these for Stanford’s verification.

By taking all necessary precautions this will help all matches against Stanford going ahead smoothly. Failure to do so will likely irritate him and make him do the shoutings. (Snapshot below)

Allez Stan.

Much love,
PF xx

Transcription of last year’s final:
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4 thoughts on “Open letter to all players …

  1. I would highly recommend you to provide the entire medical history: infantile diseases, second dentition, teenage injuries, etc. It will make a match a little bit longer, because it may take a couple of hours for Stanford to review all the prereads and make a decision, but Stanford would save sone nerves, and the public would be reued from another scandal.

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