Roland 2020 – No Winners

Bonjour Mon Fans,

I hope you are all well. You will be pleased to know I am.

It is with great sadness that I have decided to preview the final of the French Open in France.

I have used the pie charts, quantum analysis, technical drawing technology, algorithm numbers and lastly, of course, the quadratic formula for My calculus fans.

Quadratic Formula


Using this formula, x equals the greatest player of all time (Me). We’ll put Nadal as ‘a’, Novak as ‘b’ and ‘c’ will be Mr. Umpire. The irritating slashes and lines represent some journalists and commentators.

Mr. Umpire works for Me, as you’ll have noticed if you’ve been paying close attentions. His job is to annoy Nadal with the clock of the shots, although only at crucial match moments.

The commentators and journos work for Me too, although unpaid. Their job is to annoy Novak and try and put him off his game because he doesn’t eat and think the same way they do, and look where that’s gotten him…

Well, this is the nightmare scenario, whoever wins today is bad for Me. Novak will be another step closer, Nadal will equal Me. The deep pain in My tummies is real, something you will never understand.

What are the options? Well, a few special ones in the media will activate the ‘Project GOAT’ memo which will introduce the “Yes but… ” narrative. It goes something like this:

“Nadal may have equalled but:
– he’s a clay court specialist so it doesn’t really count.
– can we really count Roland Garros 2020? Covid, virus, something something.
– well let’s look at bit more carefully as to who he’s played and each circumstance something something.”

“The number of slams doesn’t count and nor does any other stat, it’s the WAY Federer plays tennis” and other generic and meaningless intangible phrases.

To you it’s just another final, to Me it’s the beginning of the end. The realities have set in. I was supposed to be different; bigger, stronger, faster. A bit like Lee Majors although worth a lot more than six million dollars, of course.

I am making the looking back faces wondering if I should have taken up another career instead. I don’t know. They say you shouldn’t have regrets but it’s not all about money, sponsorships and thousands of staff. Well, it is but could I have achieved all this being in the Spice Boys?

Much love,
PF xx

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4 thoughts on “Roland 2020 – No Winners

  1. The beginning of the end you say. Man up, the Apocalypse is the beginning of the end or the end, a nuclear war could herald the end, Trump winning could mean the end. Get things into perspective. You play tennis, well you do sometimes. Your sums at the beginning went completely over my head though looked impressive. Anyway Nadal did it so accept that he is going to surpass you. Youve had a good run old man and I’m actually warming to you but that maybe age related. About the pain…you are probably eating too quickly and the wrong food. You need to try Humble Pie. I have the recipe, you only have to ask. Nadal is the King, Djokovic is the Joker and you, my friend are a card.😂With my best wishes as always, your devoted Andy fan. XX

    • Hello there SuperOne,

      I know what you mean about perspectives, you are, of course. I mislaid a staff member the other day, couldn’t find them for ages.

      Please send along the recipe of his pie you mention, I have never heard of it.

      Much love, PF xx

  2. I am only just reading this whilst listening to the Wimbledons, close to Your 40th birthday. I have a few years on You and have recently qualified as a Maths teacher (I have written before – I coach table-tennis) – loving your quadratic formula !

    #goodwork #embeddingmathsinthelesson

    Like You I am more than holding My own in a world of younger Staff / colleagues.
    You are just warming up as You enter the second week – don’t peak too soon ! All the best !

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