Nick Kyrgios

An Open Letter to Nick Kyrgios

Hello Nick Curious, I wrote this great piece just after My first match today, and before you created more drama and were defaulted. Just proves how great I am, again. GOAT here. I thought it was about time I gave you some free advice as staff and I feel you need some assistance given your…

Wimbledon Scheduling 2018

Hello Everybody Fans! Last night I met with Mr. Wimbledon to talk about the scheduling issues that have arisen since I left the tournament. I wanted to get the latest information to pass onto you about the next couple of days. Here’s how it went. Me: Hello Mr. Wimbledon, thanks for meeting Me so late…

Special Announcement

Hello Everybody Fans! Funtime Fed here. Before the announcement, I would like to thank Stanford for standing in for Me in the French Open, Roland Garros, Paris, France. You all know I’ve never really liked it there, even though everybody likes Me there. You can win today Stanford, remember, this is 2017, not 2008. Today…

I’m Dreaming…

Original written by Irving Berlin – Since improved upon by Me. You’re Welcome I’m dreaming of a Fedal final Just like the ones we used to know Where the foreheads glisten and journos listen To see a really lovely show I’m dreaming of a Fedal final With every fluffy ball I swipe May My days be…

You’re My Best French

To celebrate this year’s French Open I penned a little gem. (Original lyrics, John Deacon. Now improved upon by Me) Ooh, you make Me live Whatever Mr. Wimby can give to Me It’s you, you give me more Ooh, you make Me play now Roland Ooh, you make Me live That’s the best draw That…

Open letter to all players …

Hello Little Guys, It’s Me, GOAT. I hope you are enjoying the second week of the tournament and are still feeling gratefulness that I chose to depart during the first week. Sometimes when one reaches this level of seniority it is appropriate to let others have a chance too. You’re welcome. So, the quarter-finals are…