Nick Kyrgios

An Open Letter to Nick Kyrgios

Hello Nick Curious, I wrote this great piece just after My first match today, and before you created more drama and were defaulted. Just proves how great I am, again. GOAT here. I thought it was about time I gave you some free advice as staff and I feel you need some assistance given your…

Wimbledon Scheduling 2018

Hello Everybody Fans! Last night I met with Mr. Wimbledon to talk about the scheduling issues that have arisen since I left the tournament. I wanted to get the latest information to pass onto you about the next couple of days. Here’s how it went. Me: Hello Mr. Wimbledon, thanks for meeting Me so late…

A Little Reflection…

Dear Fans, I know how you must be feeling. It feels like the end of the world doesn’t it? You know, it kind of is. But there’s plenty of life in this old GOAT yet! Between now and when I retire there will be many more chances for Me to win Grand Slams. I have My…

The Twelve Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas Mr. Wimbledon sent to me: A nice bye straight to round three On the second day of Christmas Andrew of the Murrays said to me: 2 Olympic medals and A nice bye straight to round three On the third day of Christmas Novak sent to me: 3 Noisy families 2…

Top Coach Needed

Hello everybody fans, As you may have heard, Paul Anaconda and Me are no longer together. I’d like to say it was good while it lasted. The good news is that I’m potentially looking for a new coach. Recent reports suggest that Andrew of the Murrays is taking time off to play Grand Theft Auto…

Preview of the French Open

Bonjour tout le monde! I start this preview by saying, see you in the final! And this time I really mean it! At this moment in times I am still thinking about the draw and staff are having problems wiping the grin off My face. I have smiled for longer than ten minutes so far.…