Hello everybody fans,
When you reach My level of excellence you feel it your duty to pass on top quality information to the Little Guys. Note: When I use the term ‘You’, I actually mean Me.
Stanford has reached the final of the Australian Open in Australia.
As a way of congratulations I recently called him to offer some tips on how to beat Rafaello Nadal. Here is how the phone call went:
Staff dial Stanford’s number.
Me: Hello Stanford, it’s Me Roger.
Stanford: Roger who?
Me: Your elder, Federer, of course.
Stanford: Oh! Why didn’t you just say, Swiss number 2?
Me: Don’t be cheeky, the seedlings don’t change until Monday. Anyway, Congratulations on getting to the final.
Stanford: I wish I could say the same.
Me: I thought I’d call to see if you needed tips on how to beat Rafaello.
Stanford: Tips from who?
Me: OK, the first thing to do is knock over his bottles, then tell him that you know that he is right-handed and yet he plays with his left hand. Also mention that his Uncle is his coach and has coached him since he was 4. You should keep telling him these things repeatedly at least every few minutes. Also, for no apparent reason, keep mentioning My name and say how good I am.
Stanford: What are you talking about? How is this going to help anything? I think you’ve been listening to the TV commentators a little too much.
Me: OK, how about complaining to Mr. Umpire about his grunting?
Stanford: He doesn’t grunt any different to how he ever did. Seriously, I have things to do. Bye Roger.
Me: Would you consider sharing the Swiss number 1 ranking with Me?
Stanford: Goodbye Roger.
Phone goes dead. Staff call back only to find number has been blocked.