Hello everybody fans,
When you reach My level of excellence you feel it your duty to pass on top quality information to the Little Guys. Note: When I use the term ‘You’, I actually mean Me.
Stanford has reached the final of the Australian Open in Australia.
As a way of congratulations I recently called him to offer some tips on how to beat Rafaello Nadal. Here is how the phone call went:
Staff dial Stanford’s number.
Me: Hello Stanford, it’s Me Roger.
Stanford: Roger who?
Me: Your elder, Federer, of course.
Stanford: Oh! Why didn’t you just say, Swiss number 2?
Me: Don’t be cheeky, the seedlings don’t change until Monday. Anyway, Congratulations on getting to the final.
Stanford: I wish I could say the same.
Me: I thought I’d call to see if you needed tips on how to beat Rafaello.
Stanford: Tips from who?
Me: OK, the first thing to do is knock over his bottles, then tell him that you know that he is right-handed and yet he plays with his left hand. Also mention that his Uncle is his coach and has coached him since he was 4. You should keep telling him these things repeatedly at least every few minutes. Also, for no apparent reason, keep mentioning My name and say how good I am.
Stanford: What are you talking about? How is this going to help anything? I think you’ve been listening to the TV commentators a little too much.
Me: OK, how about complaining to Mr. Umpire about his grunting?
Stanford: He doesn’t grunt any different to how he ever did. Seriously, I have things to do. Bye Roger.
Me: Would you consider sharing the Swiss number 1 ranking with Me?
Stanford: Goodbye Roger.
Phone goes dead. Staff call back only to find number has been blocked.
12 thoughts on “My phone call with Stanford”
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What in the World are you waiting for? #firehim but I mean literally with gasoline and matches #how #dare #he
This is one of your best! I am getting a little gloomy because RF will hang his racquet in a year or two and then you’ll stop your PF blog. 😦 Please don’t shock us severely with that kind of double-whammy!
This is one of the best pieces written by you, PF! I am getting a little gloomy now that we can see RF hanging up his racquet in a year or two. What will happen to PF then? There will be severe repercussions on RF/PF fans. Please don’t abandon us suddenly..
Oh my snarky even for you….. feeling a little bit bad about this loss even thought I did not want to 🙂
Typical ! He may be the Swiss number er,. . *cough* (that number that is Your favourite) . . . but he clearly isn’t #humble. Congrats to Stanford, though. I am considering using my Aggie/Roger bet winnings from the other night to put on Switzerland for the Davis Cup – 8/1 – will You choose to win that, do you think ?
. . . . that’s funny, his acceptance speech just now actually seemed very, very #humble. Is there a chance it was maybe some sort of imposter ?
Hilarious and on the button with everything. You may not be the Swiss No. 1 or any other No 1 for that matter but you sure read players, commentators and yourself very well. I too will miss you when you go…hope it is not too soon. I would love to read what you have to say from the lower ranklings and however lowly you become I will still write to you as I am your devoted Andy fan.
Hello Super Grandmother. Always pleasant to hear from you. PF xx
Sorry Rog’ but i Love it!!
Hard to swallow your Highness?… And yet it happened. Please do not claim Any of Stan’s success! Yes I know..he watched you playing many times! (You may have some time to watch him now..)
Stan is the Man, Rog’!!
How about taking the Australian Open commentator’s job..?
A Swissy in Australia