Hello fans,
This year I am not writing a letter to Mr. Wimbledon. ‘Why not?’ I hear you ask My staff. Because I have become a little disillusioned with these last twelve months (a year). I think the tournament organizers have two faces. They smile when they see Me, ‘yes GOAT, no GOAT, four gold bags full GOAT’, but when I am not there they also smile to the other players as well. So, I have decided to take My destiny in My own hands.
I have sat up all night with staff devising a secret plan for Wim8ledon. Here I shall make the revealings.
Scottish. I have hired a Scottish teacher to help Me learn this language and culture of the good Scottish people. I dinnae go there very often so dinnae know much about it. I’ve heard it’s cold and getting My goatlings cold is the last thing I need, especially whilst on tour.
This secret plan is a great idea and a little like Me doing the hypnotizations to everyone.
How will it help? I have made the calculations that Novak and the Spanish One will be on the other side of the draw, again. If Andrew of the Murrays is on My side of the draw it means, after he has played all the good players on our side, he will have to play Me. But even if he isn’t, I will see him in the final. But by this time I will have thrown his camp into the confusions with My authentic Swiss-Scottish accent.
Week 1 – This is the week that the BBC team gasp at My brilliance whilst beating wild-cards. During this time I shall lay the groundworks. I shall be giving the interviews and people will be turning their heads sideways due to My new accents. ‘What has changed with Roger?’ they will ask. The Murray camp will feel unease, unrest and uncertainty. When Judy of the Murrays is lucky enough to be in My earshot I will talk about cakes and My Outer Hebrides which will make her do the blushings.
Week 2 and the Final – By this time the Murray camp won’t know which box to sit in. My goal is to have Judy of the Murrays in My box, hopefully whilst I am playing Andrew. He won’t know which box to look at for the support and motivations which is when I will take the advantages hopefully by not doing the shankings. Judy, I hope, will be sitting in Paul Anaconda’s seat. This should give him the final hint. You’d think My only final this year being Halle would be hint enough.
I hope you like this because when I asked Mirky if she wanted to see My secret weapon she slapped Me around the face.
See you in the final and as we say in Scotland, guid cheerio the nou!
PF xxx
pseudofedblog.com 
Your Scots needs working on, laddie! Best to learn when to ‘haud yer whisht’.
If Andy of the Murrays is going to be in your half of the draw, presumably that’s the final of the semifinals you’ll be meeting in?
You also played Rome final, Mr Federer. But we understand why it doesn’t count as You chose to lose it.
Quite right too.
Och aye you’re a canny one.
You are making my wife chortle with the laughings. Dogs are looking at her strangely. But they are big fans so i have said it is okay, and they will not be eating you. woof woof for your tournament, play nicely with the womblings.
Mmm…very interesting but my advice dear GOAT is to learn the English speakings first before you tackle the language of the great Andy of the Murrays. I am sorry that Mirky slapped you but do understand her reaction as she probably has little interest in your little secret weapon. I do admire her having to spend so much time sitting down and having her meals while watching you. The photograph does not do you the justices but you know the auld saying. Ye cannae make a silk purse out of sow’s ear. Hope you reach the second round of the Wimbledons and then have a lovely long holiday. I do enjoy the laughings at your blogging. I remain, as always, your devoted Andy fan. x
Thank you very much for teaching me my first Scottisch sentence. I will use “Ye cannae make a silk purse out of sow’s ear” whenever I get the chance.
I’ll give you the Dutch version, just in case you are interested (and in case our GOATly friend, if he reads this, wants to throw some Dutch around in Rotterdam next year): al draagt een aap een gouden ring, het is en blijft een lelijk ding. Which translates pretty much like if you put a gold ring on an ape, the ape will still be ugly. Kind of similar to that Scottish silk purse of yours.
Kind regardings 😉
But Maureen, Mr Goat is not concerned at Mirky Goat’s interest in people north of the border, it is more with her appreciation of the people of that horrible island of Majorca. Where there is no grass, only dried mud, clay if you will, upon which to practice your backhandings.
Jings crivens help ma boabings !!!! Dinnae mess wi the brain o’ Andrew of the Murrays or Judy of the Murrays or ye micht end up wi’ a Glesga kissling ya big sleekit cowran tim’rous goatie !!!
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This weapon was before the draw. Please try to learn some Spanish now. Otherwise you may not get to use this Scottish language!
I believe this toughest draw on earth is a result of not sending a kind letter to Mr. Wimbledon. We definitely can’t see the GOAT as number 5 after the fortnight. Please do something!
Hello. It is so good to hear the Englist tv people. They know how to find all the words in the world to describe your wonderfulness.Nice to see you still so humble in your talking.
I need some moneys. Please let me have from the horse mouth. Are you deciding yet whether to win or not this year? Shall I put my house on a betting slip or not ?