My withdrawal from Wimbledon


First week of Wimbledon, 2013. My second round match will be remembered forever (a very long time).

I made a lot of perplextions as the day went on. Staff informed Me that everybody was withdrawing from the tournament and, being the team player that I am, I thought these were new rules created by the ATP and AELTC ( All England Law, Tennis and Croquet Clubs). I promptly decided to lose. I want to make the confirmations that I don’tslip have an injury, nor did I do the slippings over and show My undergarments like Maria Sugarpova, I just decided to lose because I thought this is what we were all doing.

As you can imagine, well, you can’t imagine because you’ve never done it, so I will tell you. During a match you have no idea what is happening in the world. So it was only after the match that staff promptly advised Me that not everybody was playing the withdrawals game.

TENNIS-GBR-WIMBLEDONI made the shocked faces for eleven minutes. It’s a bit like attending a Strip Poker party and you ending up naked very quickly holding onto your GOATlings before realizing everybody else is playing Bridge. You feel betrayed, cheated and cold.

Stakhovsky said after the match that playing against Me was like playing “… two people, Federer and his ego…”. I wonder if he was referring to both of My tweetings accounts? I have two because I use one for work and one is My personal account. Other than that I don’t have the ideas of what he was referring to. I asked staff and they just looked at Me so I am making the assumations that they don’t know either.

But please don’t make the worries fans. There are a lot of positives. Serena is in devastating form at the moment, she is playing better than ever and I wasn’t looking forward to playing her in the second week.federerpillow

Another big positive is that I was planning to contact Team Murray. I wanted to discuss the possibilities of making the swapsy. He takes Paul Anaconda, and I have Ivan Lentils. I’ll even throw in a couple of staff members. Because I went out of the tournament early I can start the negotiatings sooner!

So you see, every cloud has the gold lining, a lot like My pillows.

Much love,
PF xxx

34 thoughts on “My withdrawal from Wimbledon

  1. “So it was only after the match that staff promptly advised Me that not everybody was playing the withdrawals game.”

    I hope you fired them all Your Grace. They were clearly deceiving you. And I’m not sure Andy will be so willing to make the trade. Perhaps you should throw in the NetJets to sweeten the deal?

  2. There are few tennis players in the modern age who would sacrifice their budding careers to concentrate on their tweetings. We are #humbled by your #humbleness and bow before your orange shoes, which you may now wear again. Thank you for enhancing our lives this week (even though it was only for a couple of hours). Are you going to holiday on Rafa’s island? The water is nice at this time of year but probably not as nice as our North Sea. Pip pip and a woof.

  3. There is much good news. You made it to the finals of your 64-group. And you gave yourself extra time for the training of the the American hard-court circuit. It’s more important for the GOAT to add to your US Open collection, than to your Wimbledon collection, where you have already tied Pete Samp-grass.

  4. Dear GOAT,

    Let me be the fourth person to offer congratulations for Your totally justified and #humble withdrawl from Wimbledon. This choice has several obvious benefits – and we the fans, sporting press and the world at large should all do the appreciatings.

    The first and most obvious benefit is that it sets a shining, gold encrusted example of sportsmanship for the rest of the ATP tour (Nole, Raffaelo, Andrew and little guys) to follow.

    Second, this extra vacation time will allow You to concentrate on tweetings, bloggings and finding the replacements for Paul Anaconda.

    Finally, it sends the clear messages to Mr. Wimbledon that, as You have repeatedly requested, a seperate draw must be created specifically for You. This draw will alow You to do the relaxings until the second Sunday and should allow for an array of #fashion choices including, but not limited to, orange shoes and matching army jackets. Criticism of any GOAT fashions will not be tolerated and will result in Your withdrawal – which as we all know makes the rest of the tournament irrelevant.

    Enjoy Your time off, GOAT. We the fans will do the eager anticipatings for the tennis season to resume…sometime next month.



    • Hello Underscorings C. You have hereby been appointed Chief of Staff, Chief Technology Officer, Chief Financial Officer and My Personal Assistant. Congratulations. FYI payment for this employment should be made payable to: GOAT and should be made on the 1st of each month. Congratulations. PF xxx

      • My dearest thanks to You, GOAT. Your offer is exceedingly generous and needless to say, quite #humbling. Naturally, I accept and excitedly look forward to the opportunity to do thinkings outside of the boxes (while promoting the synergies) as a key member of Your staff. I will forward my personal checking account details and bank routing number to Your billing department. I will have them set up monthly Auto-GOAT payments so as to avoid late fees. My gracious thanks to You on this, a milestone in my personal and professional life.


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  6. I thought you don’t want to be overshadowed by all the withdrawals, retirements, and just plain chaos of that day so you decided to have that result thus securing that you’ll be the center of attention in that infamous day (and making you the person that people remembered whenever they remember that day in years to come). Please accept my apologies your #goat.

  7. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Yes, your withdrawals affected me. After I had jumped up from my chair and fist-pumped the air I felt a little of the sympathy. Sorry….I just made that up!! You did get the final of the 2nd round which is not too bad at your age. Don’t be despondent…every shoe has a gold sole though you can’t wear them according to Mr Wimbledon who seems to have turned against you. Talking about coaches Mr Anaconda must be quaking in his size elevens and Mr Lentils has no wish to work with a big cheese. I suggest you use some of your staff to help you to come to terms with the many losings. Warm baths, soothing music ie bagpipes might just do the trick. I think you should give up Strip Poker for not very obvious reasons. Mirky knows what I mean. Best wishes for your retirements. Your devoted Andy fan. ps Love the pillows with the initials for the man who shot Jesse James. Clever touch that… revealing your dark side.

  8. I smiled reading this. Sad for Mr. Fed and glad to see some new blood starting climbing the ranks. Sad for Rafa, too. And, today, Serena lost out as well. So much for the “expert” predictions.
    Long live tennis!

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