I thought it was the right time to disclose what happened at the last Player Council meeting as it contained secrets . There has been a lot of the speculations about this meeting as attending was compulsive, you had no choices but to come. It was held behind big doors. But I thought it was time to make the openness to My fans. Here are the moments of this meeting.
All the staff at WTAToday.com who came to stare at Gilles Simon.
Neil Harman, Top Journo of the Times in London. (@NeilHarmanTimes)
Judy Murray, Captain “Fed” Cup. (@judmoo)
All the official umpires, they sat around the edges of the room on chairs that were higher than everybody else’s, except Mine.
Brad Gilbert (@bgtennisnation) also came. I allowed this as I like Mr. Bradlings. Chris Fowler came to commentate on the meeting but I said no. Djokovic came dressed as Sharapova and she came dressed as him to try and trick Me. But I knew the trick because they came as each other. As the saying goes: “You can fool some of the GOATs some of the time, you can fool all of the GOATs some of the time. But you can always fool the GOAT all of the time.”
Andy Murray sat right at the front wearing his Gold Medal and he had a very big grin on his face like a Cheshire Cat. For My fans outside of the UK, Cheshire is a county in England where their cats are always very happy.
Mr. Bradlings started the meeting by standing up and announcing that the last Australian player to win the Australian Open was Mark Edmundson in 1976. I looked at him and said, “thank you”.
Tommy Haas said if anyone has an injury during the U.S. Open they are to check with him first before calling a trainer.
I looked at him and then looked at Andy Murray who rolled his eyes (both of them).
David Nalbandian asked if the lines judges would have flimsy wooden panels like at Queens in London. Nobody knew although Serena Williams said she would check for him providing he cared to shut his d**m mouth. This moment got a little heated and I nearly called My staff but Mr. Bradlings made the interceptions and told us all that in the last two decades, Marat Safin made the most Aces (31) without a Double Fault in 2004.
Andy Murray asked how I did in the Olympics with the same grin and I gestured to staff who held up a flag that read, “Shut Up”.
The meeting then held a small break where My staff served Me some little snacks of Italian chargrilled artichokes, flame scorched red and yellow peppers in Olive Oil and bread sticks. To drink I had just a little Pinot Grigio (chilled). For dessert I had some Lindt. Everybody watched, which was nice. For everybody else Sharapova was handing out the Sugarpova candy sweets. Though at this point I was so confused I wasn’t sure if it was her or Djokovic.
I made the nod with My head when I was ready to continue the meeting.
Mr. Bradlings informed us all that the last player to win the U.S. Open whilst saving match points was Fred Perry against Don Budge in 1936.
I thanked him but asked if he’d be quiet now about statistics. He said he was paid by the word. I said I was paid by the amount of times TV commentators mention My name whilst commentating on other matches.
John McEnroe said he wanted to arrest Me as he didn’t understand Twitter. At this point I allowed Chris Fowler into the meeting to try and explain Twitter to him and yet again he convinced John not to have Me arrested. This was the second time this has happened this year.
At this point Judy Murray passed Me a little notes whilst making the winks with one of her eyes (left). It read: “I know I always talk about Deliciano Lopez but you know you’re My favorite Fedelicious xx” – I quickly scribbled: “Yes” and passed it back to her. I don’t think anybody saw. This was fun and a little like High School. Except I went to school with Stanford Wawrinka and somehow it wasn’t quite the same.
Janko Tipsarevic stood up and read out one of his philosophy essays about perceptual reality. I’m not sure anybody knew what he was talking about, and I don’t think he did either.
The meeting ended with Mr. Harmans asking us all to stand up whilst he sang, “God Save the Queen.” Andy Murray stood on a podium and sang the loudest.
13 thoughts on “Minutes of the last Player Council Meeting”
Oh … oh … oh, I’m trying to leave a clever reply, but I’m laughing too hard! Your best, Maestro, hands down. I look forward to more meetings! *making tahe hysterics*
Bravo! I like concise, accurate and informative minutes. Many organisations waste time reviewing and correcting them, but it is clear that You have Your staff well trained and prepared to ensure this doesn’t happen. And Your choice of mid meeting snack is entirely approprate; were the meeting attendees permitted to watch You eat? That would indeed be a privilege…
*dying* You give the best accountings, oh GOAT one.
I am still doing the laughings aloud!! Your minutes pass so quickly and have been written with the eye (left) for detail. I do detect an improvement in grammar. Keep it up and if you can’t, see me after class. Well done. I look forward to more of the meetings especially with the mentions of Murray, McEnroe and Fred Perry who was a lovely man of the old timers.
funniest post ever
Great stuff, but I thought you were going to address all those hawkeye errors with the “Fed-eye” plan. Any match where it was wrong (contradicted your view) three times it would be unplugged. Bradlings job was to report on all matches to date where it would have failed Fed-eye. If Bradlings was unprepared he was to get a public Serena smackdown.
Was the issue of tall players addressed? Or were they not invited?
To my -rightly so- over confident Mr. GOAT-boss,
are any of the participants eligible to be put on the Christmas card list? I suggest combining Sharapova-Djokovic, since You are obiously not sure who is who. On the other hand, confusing You might very well be a reason to be excluded from the list all together.
I took the liberty to include Mr. Phau to the list, as he did his very best to make You shine even brighter (had to put my sunglasses on actually).
PS: Since You haven’t done any court side tweetings up to now, i presume Mr. Cahills is not so good at charging that FedBerry after all. I can’t help smiling a little smug smile 😛
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hilarious!!! how do you come up with these things? hahaha you just mad
* oops i just hit the enter button too early, the result of my non stop LOLing…i was supposed to write -you just made my day with these minutes, more please! you are truly the #GOAT
” I said I was paid by the amount of times TV commentators mention My name whilst commentating on other matches.” – This is such a funny article, and I just want to thank you for how much this blog has made me laugh!
You are welcome Jedi fan – PF xx