Seeing doubles twice

Good evening,

So is this a new thing fans? Do all Grand Slams have to be played twice now every time I win? Am I going to be made to enter in the U.S. Open twice? But it’s OK. I like to stay positive.

I am so happy to confirm that I am the only player in H1STORY to win a PLATINUM medal. Congratulations to Andy for getting a yellow one. He will have more chances in the future. As I confirmed to Sue Barker after the match, I had a really tough draw so it’s been a difficult week yet I was still able to pull through.

You will allow Me to detail the detailed problems I had to overcome in detail.

Everybody knows My feelings about tall players. So what did they do? In the final of the semis they forced Me to play the man with too many names. These types of players should not be allowed in the tennis. How many times do I have to highlight this issue to the officials? If this happens again I am not coming back next year.

The other serious issue is that of My doubles partner, Stanford. I read reports in the papers that carry the news that he was making the parties until 2 o’clock in the morning the night before our doubles match. Is this how he repays Me for allowing him to carry the flag? It seems the answer is yes. I am taking this opportunity to declare I am officially looking for a new doubles mate. All applications will be evaluated by My staff and Me.

Before I commence My celebrations for My achievements this evening I sadly have to make the snitchings. It has been brought to My attention that the Bryan Brothers are the same person. I don’t believe this is allowed in Olympic events. Why do they look the same? I have twins and they don’t look the same. If you look closely with binoculars you’ll see there is no difference. I mean, has anybody ever seen them on court at the same time? This is like Me going for a comfort break and then Me coming out again pretending to be another one. Incorrect. Olympic officials please make the investigations and if they are stripped of their Gold medals  and it happens to go spare please contact Me immediately.

PF xxx

9 thoughts on “Seeing doubles twice

  1. O GOAT my GOAT: You have avoided a great swindle in letting Murray have the yellow medal — it is 96% silver, whereas Your medal is 100% silver and therefore superior. Your foresight is amazing, and not wasting time with the extra sets of tennis was also wise.

  2. How kind of the Olympic Committee to produce a platinum medal just for you – it has never been done before and will probably never be done again 🙂 Such is your GOATness ! So sorry that Andy Murray produced one of his best ever performances to ‘whip your butt’ I am sure you will learn from this result – and it will help to keep you #humble

  3. Another entertaining and quite insane blog from the blogmeister. I have heard that some people feel the sadness for you. Not I, but you knew that! Some of your deranged supporters are saying you let Andy win. That is really an insult to you and the way you lost so comprehensively. You go all win or lose and you were successful in your losings. Well done on Silver…it will tone with your hair very soon. Looking forward to hearing from you at the US Open or even before if your body will recover for you to make the playings.

  4. Dearest GOAT,

    I once watched a confusing documentary where they had changed one futile decision in history (something with a Mr. Kennedys and pigs in some bay) and they showed what might have been. I thought I saw a similar program on TV last Sunday, where some funny documentary making person thought about how it would be if Mr. Murrays won the gold in stead of you. I didn’t like the show and tried to turn it off, but is was on on almost every channel simultaneously.

    When I asked my friend Peter for help on turning this boring show off, his facial expression changed immediately, he put his arms around me and led me out the room. Only then did I realise it was not some stupid show….

    I hope You make good recoverings. If You want, You are always welcome to join me and Peter. As You know, he is really fond of goats and he did a great job with my own recoverings if I say so myself.

    Kind regardings,


  5. Gosh, Heidi..are you still going strong? Used to love reading about you and Peter when I was young. There must be something in that goat’s milk you all drink. So glad I was able to get in touch before your eyesight and faculties fail. You must be a very ancient Heidi by now. Best wishes.

  6. Dearest GOAT,

    of course our sincerest congratulationings for You on this Your glorious birthday.
    As they say, 30something is the new 25!


    Kindest regardings,
    Heidi and Peter

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