So is this a new thing fans? Do all Grand Slams have to be played twice now every time I win? Am I going to be made to enter in the U.S. Open twice? But it’s OK. I like to stay positive.
I am so happy to confirm that I am the only player in H1STORY to win a PLATINUM medal. Congratulations to Andy for getting a yellow one. He will have more chances in the future. As I confirmed to Sue Barker after the match, I had a really tough draw so it’s been a difficult week yet I was still able to pull through.
You will allow Me to detail the detailed problems I had to overcome in detail.
Everybody knows My feelings about tall players. So what did they do? In the final of the semis they forced Me to play the man with too many names. These types of players should not be allowed in the tennis. How many times do I have to highlight this issue to the officials? If this happens again I am not coming back next year.
The other serious issue is that of My doubles partner, Stanford. I read reports in the papers that carry the news that he was making the parties until 2 o’clock in the morning the night before our doubles match. Is this how he repays Me for allowing him to carry the flag? It seems the answer is yes. I am taking this opportunity to declare I am officially looking for a new doubles mate. All applications will be evaluated by My staff and Me.
Before I commence My celebrations for My achievements this evening I sadly have to make the snitchings. It has been brought to My attention that the Bryan Brothers are the same person. I don’t believe this is allowed in Olympic events. Why do they look the same? I have twins and they don’t look the same. If you look closely with binoculars you’ll see there is no difference. I mean, has anybody ever seen them on court at the same time? This is like Me going for a comfort break and then Me coming out again pretending to be another one. Incorrect. Olympic officials please make the investigations and if they are stripped of their Gold medals and it happens to go spare please contact Me immediately.