Dear Mr. Garros, (may I call you Roland?)
Thank you for your letter of April 27th. Yes, I am very well thank you. I took some relaxation times away from the tennis and at the moment, in preparation for your tournament, playing a small event in Madrid (Spain).
I really do appreciate your hospitality of when I come to the Paris. Obviously I fully agree with your feelings that Rafaello Nadal not being seeded in the top 4. Why should he be? To be honest with you and if I were you, I would also consider lowering the ranking seedlings of a certain Andrew Murray and Novak Djokovic. They haven’t even won your tournament. I have, and I speak French and I like cheese.
You may have heard rumors along the vines of the grapes that my seedling number was numero 3. I contacted Mr. ATP and he said it was a computer tissue related to the millennium bug. Although I use technology like the internet webs, I am not familiar with such technical terms but this is why we have staff n’est-ce pas? The fault has now been corrected. Although it still shows Me as 2 so not a total correction.
Now. Have you any more ideas on how we can continue to upset Rafaello? Your clay now plays fast, merci. The balls are fast (merci Babolat). The crowd support Me and only Me (merci). Last year Madrid made the clay blue, this was very popular, with Me. Can we discuss this when we next have the Skype chat?
Lastly I don’t want Nalbandian as My Head of Security any longer. He certainly showed a lot of the potential during his interview at Queens last year. However, as you know, I only have the best and right now, there is a new Dad on the block who goes by the name on Jonathan Tomic.
Really looking forward to seeing you again, à bientôt.
pseudofedblog.com 
I fully agree. What has the present No. 1 seedling done to get this ranking?
Reblogged this on lucyheisinger and commented:
I love you Pseudofed. I really, really do.
I know you do
Dear Mr FedX, First of all I would like to complain that my delivery is overdue and would like you to look into this matter as soon as possible. Secondly I like your thinking about having the long relaxations as it has certainly made a difference, I’m sure you agree. Your comments to Mr Garros are pertinent and well-expressed and I’m sure your correspondence to him is in his Pending tray, so be patient. I notice you like cheese…..Hard cheese I expect as I often say that after your matches. With reference to the seedlings it must be fun at the moment. You were No 1, then No. 2, then No. 3 and then you went up to 2 and down to 3 now. Up and down, up and down, down again. How you must laugh at the ups and downs of life. I do and I haven’t got your staff to keep check for me. Your new Head of Security could be a certain Sir Alex as I believe he is free and as you probably have the knowings…he is quite bossy and might even get you extra time in the playings!! Another brilliant piece of writing combining humour with humility plus evidence of being a polyglot. Is there no beginnings to your talents? Looking forward to seeing your future matches and if you manage to get to Wimbledon Quarters and are on No 1 Court I will be doing the watchings. Best wishes to your lovely wife and daughters. Always a pleasure to be in touch. Always sad to see you losing yours. I remain. as always your devoted Andy fan. xx
Thank you Super Grandmother. I have been a little busy lately. I play tennis as a profession although some people doubt this. OK I admit this year so far I have not stayed in the tournaments for the long time, but that was My choice. I hope your staff are looking after you. PF xxx
Firstly – can I just say how terrible it was to see you getting beat in Madrid earlier this week resulting in the droppings of a lot of rankings points- you may like cheese but I am sure you wont be eating sushi anytime soon !!! Also – well done you for playing a big part in the decision about speeding up the time allowed between points . Rafaello and Novak are very annoyed about it – still think 25 seconds is too much tho – why not push for 15 seconds when you next sit on your throne at the ATP meetings of generals .
Stay humble
My dear Mr. GOAT boss,
couple of ideas spring to mind on how to upset a certain Spanish person who unfortunately plays tennis:
– obviously, do not put him in a quarter with Andy of the Murrays or David Ferrer (just as well give him a bye for the QF’s in those cases)
– obviously, put him in a quarter with Mr. Noisy Families (who btw has recently shown he is a chip of the old block i read)
– maybe invite Robin Söderling to sit courtside whenever the Spaniard plays (bring back bad memories)
– make sure ball boys/girls and linespeople all speak Spanish, in order to make uncle Tony be silent
– allow players to use one water/drinking bottle only
– issue warnings for all obscene gestures on court, plucking underware and hence touching your (in this case “your” not meaning “Your” but his own) b*tt being counted among those
– do not let the Spaniard be in charge of rain delays
If all of these fail, maybe deny the Spaniard use of a racquet during his matches. Or simply contact the king of Spain to declare war on France, after which act all Spaniards will be declared persona non grata in France.
So great to be allowed to communicate with You at last, dearest GOAT. I am considering that Tweetings account just for You, because i really experienced withdrawal symptoms. Peter helped me out with some Lindt, but that was not nearly enough to fill the void.
Kindest regardings,
Heidi
Hello short, little and tiny staff fan.
I do think it is of the times for you to embrace the interweb technologies like Me and start making the tweetings. Do let me know your small name when Peter creates your account and I will look down on, literally.
PF xxx
Just thinking…. if You would decide to #follow me, wouldn’t that be a bit weird? I mean, following is usually a job for staff….
Or did Mr. Tweety make a special account for You, where it doesn’t say Follow, but Employ?
Stop thinking and just be Heidi. Search for the inner you. #spiritualGOAT
🙂 Great (#humble) blog!!
Still waiting for my reply O humble one. #andyfan