When I Stayed at Andrew’s House

Hello and welcome to Week 2 of Wimbledon!

I am playing first on Centre Court, not sure about the other matches. As a little treat to all My fans I thought I would share a excerpt from My book. This is from a chapter called, The Ghost Hunt and it’s where Me and a few other people went looking for ghosts in 2013 after Andrew of the Murrays won Wimbledon.

Here I find Myself waking up in Andrew’s house after collapsing at the Wimbledon grounds the previous night during the ghost hunt.

– – – – – – – – – – –

I woke up the next morning in a lovely warm bed, the memories of the night before started rushing through the brain. Someone was licking My face repeatedly. Had Sue Barker caught up with Me after all? I sat up quickly and saw two doggy fans looking at Me. There was a knock on the bedroom door, I thought it was a little too early for the postman although I was waiting for a delivery of scented candles from the Shopping Channel. They had a special offer the previous week where if you buy two sets, you get free delivery. I pulled the sheet up over My chest and said, “Come in.”

“You all right, Man?” It was Andrew of the Murrays, still with that grin, but somehow I was relieved to see him as he sat on the side of the bed.

“What happened?” I asked.

“We got a call from the local Police saying that you had collapsed outside the grounds during the night so we came to pick you up and brought you over to the house.”

“Did they mention the ghosts?” I asked.

He smirked, “There were no ghosts, GOAT, there is no such thing.”

“Did I have a shopping bag with Me?”

“What? Of course you didn’t. Why would you have a shopping bag with you in the middle of the night in the Wimbledon grounds?”

He stood up and said he was going to take the dogs for a walk and that I could get up in My own time, he mentioned that there were fresh towels in the guest bathroom and some food downstairs. Kim called to Andrew from downstairs to hurry the $%&! up or she was going to leave without him so he went. I waited until I heard them shut the front door before getting up. I peered out of the window and saw the British countryside, pleasant as always. I wanted to shower before Andrew and Kim returned and I was not sure what time room service ended so thought I had better hurry. Walking out of the bedroom carrying some essentials in a bag I began to hope Andrew’s house was not as large as My homes. For the convenience of guests I have maps located at various points with those, ‘You are here’ signs so they can find their way around. I doubt Andrew had thought of this. I mean, where are the fire exits in this place? This is a homes isn’t it? Where are the restaurants and gift shops? I tried the door across the small hallway and it was a bathroom. It had most things I needed: basin, bidet, bath with separate jacuzzi and walk-in shower. I noticed a beautiful picture he had on the wall then realised it was a mirror. I smiled. As I looked around I froze, Andrew had Wimbledon towels! I quickly retrieved My portable telephone and took pictures as evidence, wait until I tell Mr. Wimbledon.

The walk-in shower was adequate though I noticed you had to walk out of the same area that you use to walk in which seemed odd. There was only one type of shampoo and conditioner available which was disconcerting and I remember hoping that My scalp would not flare up and itch for the rest of the day. I looked around for a clay face mask but there was not any available. I made a mental note so I could leave an appropriate review on Trips Advisor when getting back homes.

Going downstairs and into the kitchen there was a selection of cakes on the table with an envelope propped up against the teapot. It had ‘GOAT’ written across it. I looked around for a letter opener but could not see one, nor could I see any staff, how was I supposed to open it? Feeling a little irritated I sat down and chose a slice of the Victoria Sponge cake. It was very tasty and I am sure it had a hint of liqueur. I remembered the events of the previous night, I had seen ghosts, I know I had.

As I wiped the mouth with a napkin My portable telephone vibrated once, text message. I flipped it open to see Sue Barker inviting Me to her house for dinner. I turned the phone off quickly and removed the battery.

By the time I got to the end of the cake I heard the key in the door, it was Andrew, Kim and the doggy fans. They all came into the kitchen and both wished Me a good morning.

Kim noticed that I had already had some cake and said, “Did you enjoy it? They are just &%$£ing delicious aren’t they?”

I was not sure how to reply so just said, “Yes, thank you”.

Andrew looked at the envelope, “Aren’t You going to open it?”

“I couldn’t find your letter opener,” I said, obviously.

Kim laughed and said, “What the %&$£? That’s hilarious GOAT, tell me you are $%&£ing joking.”

Andrew looked at Me puzzled and declared, “Just open it with your hands,” as he picked it up using his fingers to tear down the seam.

As he did this I looked at him curiously with My head slightly tilted to one side. I noticed the doggies looking at Me in the same way. He handed Me the note contained in the envelope and I opened it. It was from Judy of the Murrays and read, ‘Hope you enjoy the cakes Pseudolicious…’

– – – – – – – – – – –

Staff and I hope you enjoyed it. The Book is available on Amazon on Kindle and paperback, just do a search for, PseudoFed, of course.

For now I’d like to send you all a little wave and if you’re coming to Wimbledon today, hope you have a wonderful time, you will if you have Centre Court tickets for the first match!

Much love,
PF xx

6 thoughts on “When I Stayed at Andrew’s House

  1. My Dear Esteemed Goat,

    If I may make so bold…

    Having read the wonderful aand expected news today that you are in the last eight of Wimbledon, and are, naturally, expected to go on to your eighth win, if you so choose, I thought back to pre WW1 (although of no concern to you as your country was neutral)

    In England, where as you know, Mr Wimbledon lives, there was a popular clamour to build more Dreadnoughts than the German navy had.

    I feel history is repeating itself. Now people are chanting, not for more Dreadnoughts, but “Fednoughts” as the old cry of “We want eight and we won’t wait!” is repeated throughout the land.

  2. What a shame that the muse has deserted you and you have to resort to repetition. I have read this so many times as once it was my bedtime reading. Am now reading “Preparing for Retirement ” which I will send you very soon. I have underlined important points about how to cope without adulation and sycophancy. Congratulations on your weekend off and getting through to last eight. It will give me no pleasuring to see you go. I remain your loyal Andy fan.

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