Good morning from the Big Apples,
I have brought to My attention something very serious and I would like to take this opportunity to use the interweb to spread the words.
Over the weekend whilst waiting for My match against, well, I don’t really know who it was, but that doesn’t matter at the moment, anyway, I was walking around the grounds and saw this in the US Open Store:
You can imagine My horror when I saw My face was missing! It has been stolen. Who was it? Please share this with your friends, family and staff.
In the meantime, My staff have some ideas of My own. Here are some suspects that must be eliminated before the enquiry moves forward:
Novak Djokovic: He may have stolen My face as a joke. But this would have been too obvious. Was it his father? Him and Me are not talking at the moment.
Andrew of the Murrays: Well, frankly we can’t put anything past Andrew. He stole My Olympic Gold, My Wimbledon title and is I don’t know how many rankings above Me. If anybody spots Andrew doing the smirky faces then I will assume he is guilty.
Mr Harmans: Neil Harman top journo for The Times newspaper. Stealing isn’t really his style but judging by his attire yesterday, this t-shirt would be a welcome addition to his wardrobes. He may have stolen My face for a publicity stunt to advertise his book? We shall see.
Ernests Gulbis: I don’t think he stole it, that would be too “boring” for him and to be honest, he can afford to buy his own t-shirt factory in China. He could probably afford to buy China come to think of it.
Tomas Berdych: Tom and I have been getting very close recently in the Twittersphere so he could be making the jokings. Tom, if this is you I will find out! In the words of your older brother Tom Petty, ‘I Won’t Back Down’.
Rafaello Nadal: I’d like to say it’s Rafaello so I can report him to Mr. ATP and have him eliminated from the tournament, preferably before the Quarter Finals.
If anybody has information regarding the whereabouts of My face please contact the authorities immediately. As an incentive, whoever comes forward with details that leads to its recovery shall receive a t-shirt (unsigned).