Hello Everybody Fans!

Since adding Istanbul to My schedule, I hereby announce the complete itinerary from now until the Summer.

23 Feb: Dubai
12 March: Indian Wells
28 March: Quick Shopping trip to New York on the way back, the Big Apples
12 April: Monte Carlo
13 April: Depart Nice Côte d’Azur Airport – Destination Euro Disney to see Michael Mouse
27 April: Istanbul
2 May: Check color of clay in Madrid.
3 May: Madrid
8 May: Get staff to wash filthy clay from kit.
9 May: Have evening meal with Fognini ahead of Rome to pick up more humble Italian phrases.
10 May: Rome
23 May: Fly to Paris and have lunch with Mona Lisa before French Open.
24 May: Roland Garros
7 June: Watch Nadal win French Open.
15 June: Attend Halle, the Gerry Springer Open
29 June: Wimbledon – Home Sweet Homes.

Missing from this schedule is a very special event to occur this year. Make sure you subscribe, follow Me on the Twitter technologies, and Facebooks to be sure not to miss it.

Much love,
PF xx

Hello Little Guys,

It’s Me, GOAT. I hope you are enjoying the second week of the tournament and are still feeling gratefulness that I chose to depart during the first week. Sometimes when one reaches this level of seniority it is appropriate to let others have a chance too. You’re welcome.

So, the quarter-finals are ahead of you. Before you step on court may I suggest you do so fully prepared with last year’s final between Rafaello and Stanford firmly in mind. You’ll remember Stanford being rather insistent on being made aware of Rafaello’s medical issues, in minute detail. Therefore, if you have any pre-existing physical problems that may cause issues during the match please ensure you satisfy any queries Stanford may have. I recommend a medical certificate for each problem. All documents must be signed by three Doctors and also must be accompanied with 2 x-rays and 3 MRI scans and a partridge in a pear tree. If you are taking any medication it may be a good idea to list the date of prescription and also be prepared to give Stanford the telephone number of the Doctor that supplied these for Stanford’s verification.

By taking all necessary precautions this will help all matches against Stanford going ahead smoothly. Failure to do so will likely irritate him and make him do the shoutings. (Snapshot below)

Allez Stan.

Much love,
PF xx

Transcription of last year’s final:
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A Chrismas Carol

Me Three Kings

Me the king of Orient am
Staff bear gifts they traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following GOATly star

O GOAT of wonder, GOAT of night
I am royal beauty so bright
Very high seedling, still proceeding
Guiding you to thy Perfect Light

Born a King on Switzerland’s plain
Gold I bring down to Me again
King forever, retiring never
Over you all to reign

O Star of wonder, star of night
What a beauty look at My sight
Grand Slam leading, still proceeding
My shorts can be a little tight

Shankincense to offer have I
Sometimes I almost pull a thigh
Prayer and praising, Little Guys raising
Worship Me, I can almost fly

O GOAT of wonder, GOAT of night
I want the night match, make it right
I am still leading, never needing
Look at Me, My mirror is right

Stan bought Me some bitter perfume,
It made Me feel like gathering gloom
Sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying
Will return it this afternoon

O I am a wonder, I am a sight
Fed-Force One private flight
Westward leading, still proceeding
Australia next it’s in My sight

Glorious now behold Me arise
King and GOAT and all things nice
Alleluia, Alleluia
Mr Wimbledon replies

You know I’m a wonder, star of night (match)
GOAT with royal beauty bright
Forever leading, always proceeding
Remember that I’m always right.

Happy Christmas everyone,

PF xx

Big day for Scotland

Bonjour mon fans,

Today is an important day for My fans in Scotland. For those that don’t know, Scotland is a country very near the North Pole.

Scotland today will vote on whether they prefer the word, ‘yes’ or the word, ‘no’. To My knowledge this has never been done before. It’s quite a complicated issue so for those new to this, I will explain.

‘Yes’ has more letters than ‘No’. This could be an advantage or a disadvantage.

– Many people assume ‘yes’ is a positive word.
– ‘Yes’ goes much better with the word, ‘please’.

– Takes longer to read due to extra letter.
– Difficult to say when someone asks, “Have you just lost again?”

For balance, let Me illustrate how ‘No’ can be taken positively.

Tournament Boss: “Hello Roger My GOAT, would you like Rafaello to be on your side of the draw?”
Me: “No”.

The question used a player totally at random. You can see how My reply is very positive indeed.

Equally, the word ‘Yes’ can be very negative.

Me: “Is My next opponent very tall?”
Staff member: “Yes”.

I hope this has helped.

Remember that it doesn’t matter what you choose, I will always love you.

Always remember to vote safely.

Much love,

Due to the delay of the rains I thought I’d pen you a little ditty. You’re welcome.

Take a look at my Wilson
It’s not the only one I got
Very much a big Wilson
Never seem to shank a lot

Take a Fed Jet across the water
America likes to see Me
See My fans in the Big Apples
They’re hoping it’s going to come true
There’s quite a lot staff can do

Could I have muesli for breakfast
Cheffy dear, Cheffy dear
Got to have muesli for breakfast
Cos every GOAT’s a millionaire

I’m a winner, not a singer
You really want my autograph
Not a loser, Nole’s a joker
He’s playing his tricks upon Me
While he’s got nothing better to do

Take a look at my Rolex
It’s not the only one I got
Very much a collection
They all like Me a lot

I like My fast jet, got My own seat
Sometimes invite Stanford
He has his own place, in the luggage hold
He’s hoping to buy his own plane
I say Stan, no pain no gain.

PF xx

Hello grass, my old friend,
I’ve come to play on you again,
Such a vision of Me sweeping,
Groundsman sowing seeds while I was sleeping,
The vision of Me that was planted in your brain
Still remains
Within the sound of tennis.

In restless dreams I played Nadal
On grass and hard and clay – oh no,
My record against him is oh so damp,
He tends to give Me a mighty cramp,
When My thighs were stabbed by the tightness of my plight,
That split the fight
And touched the sound of tennis.

And from My night-light I think I saw,
Ten thousand Murrays, maybe more.
Some laughing without speaking,
Some hearing without listening,
Andrew took My Gold that was never meant to share
And no one cared
Disturb the sound of tennis.

“Fans” said I, “You do not know
Silence please I’m about to throw.
Watch My steps that I might teach you,
Look, My arms that I might reach you.”
But My sweat like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of tennis.

And the people bowed and prayed
To the semi-final I made.
And the score flashed its warning,
Watch the words that I was forming.
And the sign reads the words of My wins that are written on the Wimbledon walls
Not the Garros halls.
And whisper’d in the sounds of tennis.”

PF xx

Happy Sunday everybody fans!

The weather here in Wimbledon today has been the little wet so I thought I’d take a moment to relay some informations about My trying to help Stanford’s schedule. As much as I have the little jokes with him, the truth is he is the great friend and top person.

I was a little upset for him given what happened with the weather yesterday. Mr. Wimbledon told everybody that Stanford would potentially have to play Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. It’s bad enough that I have to potentially play on two consecutive days. By the way Mr. Wimbledon, I hope the reason why you haven’t put Rafaello on Court 1 yet is for moments such as this? If the weather looks less than peRFect, throw him on last, Court 1 on Tuesday please.

Anyway, I took it upon Myself to discuss Stanford’s predicament to try and improve the situation for My fellow countryman. Mr. Wimbledon listened and then gave Me a new sheet. He was a little off with Me if the truth was told. It just goes to show how things change.

Anyway, here is Stanford’s new schedule according to Mr. Wimbledon:

Monday: Day off, no practise allowed.
Tuesday: Third round match, first set only, on Court 16, weather permitting.
Wednesday: Free ticket to watch Me play My Quarter-Final match on Centre Court. Food and drinks not included.
Thursday: Finish off third-round match on Court 3 after all other matches have been played.
Friday morning, 7am: Fourth round match on Court 1, must be finished by 9am or disqualified.
Friday afternoon: Paid ticket to watch Me play semi-final, first set only. Then will be escorted off the grounds.
Saturday morning: Quarter final, Centre Court, 4am, no lights. (Ask Berdych or Cilic for tips.)
Sunday morning: Semi-final, Suzanne Lenglen, Paris, 12noon start. If victorious must be back in Wimbledon by 2pm or disqualification occurs.

I, of course, looked at this twice but apparently it’s the new tradition.

I hope I didn’t make things worse.

Much love,
PF xx


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