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Mercedes Benz

Hello Everybody Fans!

I’d like to thank Mercedes Benz USA for following my personal account on the Twitter. Little bit late to the party but staff forgive you on My behalf.mcusa - Copy

Now we are connected, in that you’re following Me, do you think you could send an engineer over to check some things on the GOAT carrier? Nothing serious (obviously) but just the little niggles:

– I noticed that when it rains the car gets wet. Do you know if this is normal or is it something I should be concerned about?

– When I get into the driver’s seat I have noticed that the engine does not turn on unless I press the button.

– Perhaps connected to the previous point, after arriving at a destination the engine does not switch itself off. It’s almost acting like some sort of machine that does not have any awareness of My needs.

– I find the climate control quite pleasing, is there any way that it can be linked to what I see out of the windows and windscreen? It would be lovely if I turn the temperature up and then, for example, the trees that are before Me are replaced with palm trees and such things. Surely with today’s technologies we can do this? Perhaps call Steven Spielbergs?

– One last thing, is there anyway you can get the nice lady that speaks on the voice control system to address Me personally? It would be really great if when everything switches on she says, “Hello GOAT”.

Anyway, not sure how long I’ll be in Indian Wells but if you could get someone over to Me by the weekend that’d be great! If I’m on court please get your guy to head on over to Larry Edison’s office. His Grandfather invented the light bulb apparently. Who knew?

Much love,
PF xx

 

1. You prefer the taste of Wimbledon grass to any other type of green but you just don’t know why.

2. When people annoy you, you have an overwhelming urge to charge and head butt them.

3. Every time you meet a new fan, you wonder what their t-shirt tastes like.

4. You notice everybody is walking using their back legs.

5. When you win a trophy, you’re more interested about what’s inside it compared to the trophy itself.

 

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6. During a press conference, the only thing you can think about is why the journalists’ eyes are so close together.

7. It doesn’t really bother you when people keep touching your ears.

8. You’re as comfortable walking along the edge of the roof of a high stadium as you are strolling in the park.

9. You wonder why nobody else seems excited about jumping over the net on court.

10. I used to be a kid.

Much love,
PF xx

Hello Everybody Fans!

Since adding Istanbul to My schedule, I hereby announce the complete itinerary from now until the Summer.

23 Feb: Dubai
12 March: Indian Wells
28 March: Quick Shopping trip to New York on the way back, the Big Apples
12 April: Monte Carlo
13 April: Depart Nice Côte d’Azur Airport – Destination Euro Disney to see Michael Mouse
27 April: Istanbul
2 May: Check color of clay in Madrid.
3 May: Madrid
8 May: Get staff to wash filthy clay from kit.
9 May: Have evening meal with Fognini ahead of Rome to pick up more humble Italian phrases.
10 May: Rome
23 May: Fly to Paris and have lunch with Mona Lisa before French Open.
24 May: Roland Garros
7 June: Watch Nadal win French Open.
15 June: Attend Halle, the Gerry Springer Open
29 June: Wimbledon – Home Sweet Homes.

Missing from this schedule is a very special event to occur this year. Make sure you subscribe, follow Me on the Twitter technologies, and Facebooks to be sure not to miss it.

Much love,
PF xx

Hello Little Guys,

It’s Me, GOAT. I hope you are enjoying the second week of the tournament and are still feeling gratefulness that I chose to depart during the first week. Sometimes when one reaches this level of seniority it is appropriate to let others have a chance too. You’re welcome.

So, the quarter-finals are ahead of you. Before you step on court may I suggest you do so fully prepared with last year’s final between Rafaello and Stanford firmly in mind. You’ll remember Stanford being rather insistent on being made aware of Rafaello’s medical issues, in minute detail. Therefore, if you have any pre-existing physical problems that may cause issues during the match please ensure you satisfy any queries Stanford may have. I recommend a medical certificate for each problem. All documents must be signed by three Doctors and also must be accompanied with 2 x-rays and 3 MRI scans and a partridge in a pear tree. If you are taking any medication it may be a good idea to list the date of prescription and also be prepared to give Stanford the telephone number of the Doctor that supplied these for Stanford’s verification.

By taking all necessary precautions this will help all matches against Stanford going ahead smoothly. Failure to do so will likely irritate him and make him do the shoutings. (Snapshot below)

Allez Stan.

Much love,
PF xx

Transcription of last year’s final:
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A Chrismas Carol

Me Three Kings

Me the king of Orient am
Staff bear gifts they traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following GOATly star

O GOAT of wonder, GOAT of night
I am royal beauty so bright
Very high seedling, still proceeding
Guiding you to thy Perfect Light

Born a King on Switzerland’s plain
Gold I bring down to Me again
King forever, retiring never
Over you all to reign

O Star of wonder, star of night
What a beauty look at My sight
Grand Slam leading, still proceeding
My shorts can be a little tight

Shankincense to offer have I
Sometimes I almost pull a thigh
Prayer and praising, Little Guys raising
Worship Me, I can almost fly

O GOAT of wonder, GOAT of night
I want the night match, make it right
I am still leading, never needing
Look at Me, My mirror is right

Stan bought Me some bitter perfume,
It made Me feel like gathering gloom
Sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying
Will return it this afternoon

O I am a wonder, I am a sight
Fed-Force One private flight
Westward leading, still proceeding
Australia next it’s in My sight

Glorious now behold Me arise
King and GOAT and all things nice
Alleluia, Alleluia
Mr Wimbledon replies

You know I’m a wonder, star of night (match)
GOAT with royal beauty bright
Forever leading, always proceeding
Remember that I’m always right.

—————————————
Happy Christmas everyone,

PF xx

Big day for Scotland

Bonjour mon fans,

Today is an important day for My fans in Scotland. For those that don’t know, Scotland is a country very near the North Pole.

Scotland today will vote on whether they prefer the word, ‘yes’ or the word, ‘no’. To My knowledge this has never been done before. It’s quite a complicated issue so for those new to this, I will explain.

‘Yes’ has more letters than ‘No’. This could be an advantage or a disadvantage.

Pros:
– Many people assume ‘yes’ is a positive word.
– ‘Yes’ goes much better with the word, ‘please’.

Cons:
– Takes longer to read due to extra letter.
– Difficult to say when someone asks, “Have you just lost again?”

For balance, let Me illustrate how ‘No’ can be taken positively.

Tournament Boss: “Hello Roger My GOAT, would you like Rafaello to be on your side of the draw?”
Me: “No”.

The question used a player totally at random. You can see how My reply is very positive indeed.

Equally, the word ‘Yes’ can be very negative.

Me: “Is My next opponent very tall?”
Staff member: “Yes”.

I hope this has helped.

Remember that it doesn’t matter what you choose, I will always love you.

Always remember to vote safely.

Much love,
PFXX

Due to the delay of the rains I thought I’d pen you a little ditty. You’re welcome.

Take a look at my Wilson
It’s not the only one I got
Very much a big Wilson
Never seem to shank a lot

Take a Fed Jet across the water
America likes to see Me
See My fans in the Big Apples
They’re hoping it’s going to come true
There’s quite a lot staff can do

Could I have muesli for breakfast
Cheffy dear, Cheffy dear
Got to have muesli for breakfast
Cos every GOAT’s a millionaire

I’m a winner, not a singer
You really want my autograph
Not a loser, Nole’s a joker
He’s playing his tricks upon Me
While he’s got nothing better to do

Take a look at my Rolex
It’s not the only one I got
Very much a collection
They all like Me a lot

I like My fast jet, got My own seat
Sometimes invite Stanford
He has his own place, in the luggage hold
He’s hoping to buy his own plane
I say Stan, no pain no gain.

PF xx

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