Bonjour mon fans,
Today is an important day for My fans in Scotland. For those that don’t know, Scotland is a country very near the North Pole.
Scotland today will vote on whether they prefer the word, ‘yes’ or the word, ‘no’. To My knowledge this has never been done before. It’s quite a complicated issue so for those new to this, I will explain.
‘Yes’ has more letters than ‘No’. This could be an advantage or a disadvantage.
– Many people assume ‘yes’ is a positive word.
– ‘Yes’ goes much better with the word, ‘please’.
– Takes longer to read due to extra letter.
– Difficult to say when someone asks, “Have you just lost again?”
For balance, let Me illustrate how ‘No’ can be taken positively.
Tournament Boss: “Hello Roger My GOAT, would you like Rafaello to be on your side of the draw?”
The question used a player totally at random. You can see how My reply is very positive indeed.
Equally, the word ‘Yes’ can be very negative.
Me: “Is My next opponent very tall?”
Staff member: “Yes”.
I hope this has helped.
Remember that it doesn’t matter what you choose, I will always love you.
Always remember to vote safely.
Posted in Personal | Tagged Andy Murray, GOAT, no, roger, roger federer, Scotland, tennis, vote, yes | 13 Comments »
Due to the delay of the rains I thought I’d pen you a little ditty. You’re welcome.
Take a look at my Wilson
It’s not the only one I got
Very much a big Wilson
Never seem to shank a lot
Take a Fed Jet across the water
America likes to see Me
See My fans in the Big Apples
They’re hoping it’s going to come true
There’s quite a lot staff can do
Could I have muesli for breakfast
Cheffy dear, Cheffy dear
Got to have muesli for breakfast
Cos every GOAT’s a millionaire
I’m a winner, not a singer
You really want my autograph
Not a loser, Nole’s a joker
He’s playing his tricks upon Me
While he’s got nothing better to do
Take a look at my Rolex
It’s not the only one I got
Very much a collection
They all like Me a lot
I like My fast jet, got My own seat
Sometimes invite Stanford
He has his own place, in the luggage hold
He’s hoping to buy his own plane
I say Stan, no pain no gain.
Posted in New York | Tagged federer, roger federer, Stanislas Wawrinka, tennis, US Open | 2 Comments »
Hello grass, my old friend,
I’ve come to play on you again,
Such a vision of Me sweeping,
Groundsman sowing seeds while I was sleeping,
The vision of Me that was planted in your brain
Within the sound of tennis.
In restless dreams I played Nadal
On grass and hard and clay – oh no,
My record against him is oh so damp,
He tends to give Me a mighty cramp,
When My thighs were stabbed by the tightness of my plight,
That split the fight
And touched the sound of tennis.
And from My night-light I think I saw,
Ten thousand Murrays, maybe more.
Some laughing without speaking,
Some hearing without listening,
Andrew took My Gold that was never meant to share
And no one cared
Disturb the sound of tennis.
“Fans” said I, “You do not know
Silence please I’m about to throw.
Watch My steps that I might teach you,
Look, My arms that I might reach you.”
But My sweat like silent raindrops fell,
In the wells of tennis.
And the people bowed and prayed
To the semi-final I made.
And the score flashed its warning,
Watch the words that I was forming.
And the sign reads the words of My wins that are written on the Wimbledon walls
Not the Garros halls.
And whisper’d in the sounds of tennis.”
Posted in Wimbledon | Tagged Andy Murray, federer, Murray, Nadal, roger federer, tennis, Wimbledon | 13 Comments »
Happy Sunday everybody fans!
The weather here in Wimbledon today has been the little wet so I thought I’d take a moment to relay some informations about My trying to help Stanford’s schedule. As much as I have the little jokes with him, the truth is he is the great friend and top person.
I was a little upset for him given what happened with the weather yesterday. Mr. Wimbledon told everybody that Stanford would potentially have to play Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. It’s bad enough that I have to potentially play on two consecutive days. By the way Mr. Wimbledon, I hope the reason why you haven’t put Rafaello on Court 1 yet is for moments such as this? If the weather looks less than peRFect, throw him on last, Court 1 on Tuesday please.
Anyway, I took it upon Myself to discuss Stanford’s predicament to try and improve the situation for My fellow countryman. Mr. Wimbledon listened and then gave Me a new sheet. He was a little off with Me if the truth was told. It just goes to show how things change.
Anyway, here is Stanford’s new schedule according to Mr. Wimbledon:
Monday: Day off, no practise allowed.
Tuesday: Third round match, first set only, on Court 16, weather permitting.
Wednesday: Free ticket to watch Me play My Quarter-Final match on Centre Court. Food and drinks not included.
Thursday: Finish off third-round match on Court 3 after all other matches have been played.
Friday morning, 7am: Fourth round match on Court 1, must be finished by 9am or disqualified.
Friday afternoon: Paid ticket to watch Me play semi-final, first set only. Then will be escorted off the grounds.
Saturday morning: Quarter final, Centre Court, 4am, no lights. (Ask Berdych or Cilic for tips.)
Sunday morning: Semi-final, Suzanne Lenglen, Paris, 12noon start. If victorious must be back in Wimbledon by 2pm or disqualification occurs.
I, of course, looked at this twice but apparently it’s the new tradition.
I hope I didn’t make things worse.
Posted in Wimbledon | Tagged Stanislas Wawrinka, tennis, Wimbledon | 9 Comments »
Good day from The Wimbledon!
I have had many emails during the night times asking about some comments I recently made in the interviews about time keeping in tennis. In the interests of being transparent I will use My bloggings technology to make the clarifications.
Lukas Rosol is correct. Some players take too long in between points and this is the only reason they keep winning matches. Actually I wanted to speak with him about it but somebody told Me he went to the supermarket to buy a certain type of grape. Not sure if he would have found them, Wimbledon only sell the sweetest kind.
I would like to stress the words I used in the press conferences about My concern for losing viewers if this is allowed to continue. People will get bored and ask their staff to switch the television channel to something else.
Mentioning no names but I will use anagrams to suggest who I am referring to. The first player is, ‘A Land’ and the second is, ‘Jock Void’. They use the most time in between points and also it is no coincidence that nobody wants to see them play. The fact that they are ranked higher than Me is coincidental and neither, here, there or anywhere.
As I said in the interview, it is not acceptable that fans potentially see 2 points every 60 seconds. This is preposterous. Fans want to see at least 35 points a minute. Preferably consisting of Aces and, worst case scenario, Serve & Volley winners. Any more than 3 shots and Mr. or Mrs. Umpire should stop the game and insist on a restart. There is nothing more boring than a 20 or 30 shot rally. There’s nothing more tiring either.
If we adopt this quick strategy think of the consequences! Grand Slam matches could be over in about 20 minutes! Tournaments would last about 2 days and, with the energy I could save, I could play until I retire at the age of 65 and collect My state pension.
I am seriously considering bringing My own time piece to every match to ensure all rules are adhered to properly and correctly. I have a nice collection in case you didn’t know, and the anagram for that is, ‘Re Lox’.
Posted in Wimbledon | Tagged federer, Luka Rosol, Nadal, roger federer, tennis, timekeeping, Wimbledon | 3 Comments »
Hello My fans!
I am fine.
As I sit here waiting to go on Centre Court I thought it would be nice for you to hear from Me. My week has gone very well so far. I have played once.
What an interesting week we have had in the sport. We have the new kid on the blocks, Nick Kyrgios who just beat Richard Gasquet in what seems to be a pleasant career ahead of him. Shaquilly O’Neal was in the Royal Box on Monday and was so tall they had to hyper extend the roof open every time he stood up.
Off the court Tomas Berdych showed us all his bottoms for the photo shoots. It was quite a pose and one which I tried to emulate in front of the mirror at homes. I didn’t achieve quite the same effect but to be fair as I was trying to perfect the position a staff member walked in and I had to quickly grab a Wimbledon towel to cover My achievements.
Outside of tennis Luis Suarez hit the headlines for using his teeth ahead of his feet. Suffice to say, do not repeat this kids.
Rafaello has just beaten Lukas Rosol and there is one more match before I make everybody smile with My presence so I had better go and make the preparations.
As always, thank you for all the support, the pleasure is all yours.
P.S. Happy Birthday to Mrs McEnroe for today from Me and staff.
Posted in Wimbledon | Tagged federer, GOAT, tennis, Tomas Berdych, Wimbledon | 2 Comments »
Here a few notes I asked staff to make on My behalf in the past deux semaines in no order of the particulars:
- Rafa seems to enjoy playing on this surface, who knew?
- Ernests Gulbis will not be hiring a female coach any time soon.
- The French Crowd seem to still enjoy the tournament without little Me :(
- Boris Becker’s sunglasses just keep getting bigger.
- Whoever manufactures the Trilby hats for Mr. Garros must be almost as rich as Me, almost.
- Fabric Softner, also known as The Magician, gives pleasant on court interviews.
- It was very cold except for when it got hot, then it was not cold.
- I don’t like clay. Never have, never will, no matter what I say during the interview times.
- I am still the GOAT.
See Me on the grass!
Posted in Roland Garros, RolandGarros | Tagged Djokovic, federer, GOAT, Nadal, roger, roger federer, roland garros, shut up, tennis | 5 Comments »