Bonjour Mon fans,

GOAT here and before you ask as I know it is on the tips of your teeth, yes I am very well thank you.

As usual, everybody is looking at Me for guidance and I take this responsibility with the serious faces. I have, therefore, decided to take a break from counting My Rolex watch collection to write a definitive guide so we can return to playing the tennis as soon as the possibles.

First of all, some journalists should stop focusing on Novak for having a different opinion and you should all get back to talking about Me. Nobody can make the critical faces to DjokerNole for his choices given his achievements. Especially, Mr & Mrs Journalist, given your entire existence is based on trying to make a headline regardless of the consequences suffered by those you write about.

So, let Me begin.

Social Distancing is the new brand name we have now become familiar with. We must think about this when on court from now on.

The Umpires are fine, they have always social distanced sitting in the very high chair.

The first rule is to only touch your own balls, but not each others. This will be difficult for some players, but keep trying, it’s all about self control (and social distancing).

How does this work during a match? Allow Me to use Me as an example.

I serve very well as usual. The opposing player must stand to the side and watch my balls as they bounce on their side of the court. Then they must try and remember this location and walk over to where they would have made the returning shot.

They then, using their own ball, hit a return and I will be standing (quite elegantly) out of the way making the concentration faces trying to remember where their ball did the bouncing. Once their ball has safely been caught in the net behind, I will walk over and, again hit back my ball from where I would have done, before Covid-19 graced us.

A few further details.

To minimize cross contamination, before you take your shot, you must walk over to where the opponent’s ball bounced on your side of the court and clean it with disinfectant. This won’t work for clay so no more clay season until Rafa retires, or I say so, whichever is soonest.

Unfortunately, this does not work on grass either, I have tried and the bleach turns the grass a funny color, I don’t know why, perhaps we can ask a journo, some of them seem to know everything.

The only surfrace left is hard court, obviously not an advantage for Me but we take the roughs with the smooth ones.

Please study this and share widely so you can all get to see Me on court as soon as the possibles!

Much love,
PF xx

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