Good evening from the Wimbledon, To celebrate My greatness I have taken an excerpt from My book which seems appropriate as it illustrates what happens after a match. “After a match you should not eat straight away, allow the body to recover. You could not eat anyway as you have the sponsor and media commitments. I…
Dear Andrew of the Murrays, With help from the great Lionel Richie I have written you a little song leading up to our match tomorrow. I urge you to read it whilst playing the song, link to it on MyTube at the end for your convenience. See you tomorrow! Sail on, down the line About half a mile…
Good Evening Mon Fans! As the old saying goes, ‘Another Day, Another Million Dollars’. My twitter followers that have been with Me since the beginning will remember that My preferred method of transport is something discreet and humble like a gold carriage. There’s just something about the feel of it that a complimentary Mercedes AMG just…
Hello Little Ones, First of all I’d like to say Happy 4th July to all My American fans. I would say more but I am in the UK at the moment and it would be a little awkward. They don’t celebrate it here for some reason. I thought I’d take a random paragraph from My…
Hello Mr. Wimbledon, Great match yesterday, I played superbly. As you are no doubt aware, the weather is getting really very warm, that’s in addition to the extra degrees added by My being on court. One of your BBC employees, Sue Barking, said it is the hottest day ever recorded at SW19. It looks like…
As Wimbledon commences I have penned a little number for all My opponents that will face Me during the next two weeks, or, however long I choose to remain in the Championships, whichever comes first. I encourage you to use the video at the end and do the singings along. (Original lyric written by Freddie…
Hello Mister Wimbledon, Long time no see, well, about a year actually. As I sit here with staff making the anxious faces about the draw which is to be announced shortly, I would like to discuss some things. You would have seen Roland (the French version of you) gave Me a favourable draw, it even surprised Me.…
Beep Beep Everybody people! Greetings from the Gerry Springer Open in Halle! Long-time twitter followers will know that I don’t have any problems firing staff. It has reached the point where I now have fired more staff than I employ. As you can see this is somewhat of a crisis for the GOAT. Therefore, as of…
When I created the world in 14 days, I took the middle Sunday as a day off to relax and do the restations. Something Mr. Wimbledon acknowledges and respects by making the prohibitations of tennis matches on that day. Look, I totally acknowledge the draw I was gifted, though when you expect something it isn’t such…
1. You prefer the taste of Wimbledon grass to any other type of green but you just don’t know why. 2. When people annoy you, you have an overwhelming urge to charge and head butt them. 3. Every time you meet a new fan, you wonder what their t-shirt tastes like. 4. You notice everybody is…
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