Hello everybody fans,
As you may have heard, Paul Anaconda and Me are no longer together. I’d like to say it was good while it lasted. The good news is that I’m potentially looking for a new coach.
Recent reports suggest that Andrew of the Murrays is taking time off to play Grand Theft Auto rather than playing tennis. Does this mean I can buy Ivan Lentils? Actually if My cards are on the table I’d also like to buy: Jamie Doubles fan, Judy Graduate fan, Kim Painting fan, and the two little doggy fans too.
If not possible here are the job details for the highly successful candidate:
- Must have heard of tennis (table tennis acceptable)
- Swiss passport
- Good looking
- An eye for expensive things
- Cooking experience
- Very good at bag carrying
- An ability to sit down for long periods of times on occasions
- Social media extreme activities
The following need not apply/ automatic eliminations:
- Any fluent Spanish and Serbian speakers
- Mr Wimbledon (after this year’s draw)
- Twitter parody accounts