This is My letter to Mr. London Finals. As always, I like to share as much as possible with My fans so here it is. It was hand-delivered by staff.
Dear Mr. London,
I am fine.
Actually I am not fine. I have the little niggles that are bothering Me at the moment. I cannot go into the details because of Tommy Haas. The second half of the year has not been so good. During Shanghai I had to give up the finals of the semis because of a major weather alert. It was very risky to play in the treacherous conditions and I made some apprehensions. In the end I decided to let it go, it was just not worth it.
Just recently I was in the Basel Masters 5000 in Basel, My “homes” tournament. I have won this grand event for the past 29 years but again, I put safety first. There was an earthquake off the West Coast of Canada that morning and I decided, when facing 3 match points against Me in the tie break, that I should lose. Decided? Yes, you will know from various Press Conferences that it is Me that decides whether to win or lose matches. So, for the sake of Me and My staff I thought it better to leave Basel tout de suite in case the earthquake decided to spread and move towards us. Safety first.
Lastly, I have decided not to play in Paris. Sorry to all My French fans, I know you will be devastated. But in every pillow, there is a gold lining (well, there is in mine anyway) and I would like to tell you that Rafa won’t be there. You may all smile for 10 minutes.
Lastly, Mr. London I would like to inform you of an error for the End of Year World Tour Finals in London, at the end of the year, after the world tour, in London. I instructed staff to make the checkings on your website (internet) and you seem to have only put up one side of the draw and you have mistakenly put Me in it. I recognize most of the names. This must be Djokovic and Murray’s side of the draw. Where are the other ones that I normally play? The Little Guys? I am confident you will correct this as soon as possibles. If you need any assistance do contact My good friend Mr. Wimbledon who will be happy to help.
Lastly, to add an insult to My injuries, I feel that I was recently the victim of a dupe. What I thought was a good friend of Mine, Mr. Mark Hodgkinsons, gave Me a gift of a book he wrote. Mark is the boss of TheTennisSpace.com and they are lucky enough to have Me write some exclusives for them sometimes. He gave Me this gift wrapped in gold paper, a “special preview before the release date” he said. I was so excited! I thought it was a book about Me. I settled down with staff and arranged a small humble unwrapping ceremony. I even got comfortable waiting for staff to read it Me. To My horror I discovered it was a book about Andy Murray! As though I haven’t seen enough of him this year already! However, I think Mr. Hodgkinsons did this as the jokes so I made a small chortle. I imagine he will see Me again soon with a book about Me.
Sort out the draw Mr. London.
12 thoughts on “My open letter to Mr. London and story of recent gift”
jajaja, hilarious as usual
Yes, I know
Awesome blog! Thank you for mentioning my wonderful country of Canada, too. Also, I bet the Parisians are really happy Rafa isn’t there, they do seem to hate him in France. And as for the Andy Murray book, if you don’t want it send it to me, por favor.
My dearest mister GOAT boss,
I just wanted to compliment You on Your putting One Martin of the Potros back in his place after the Basel finals of the finals. It is only logical he not loose himself in celebrations, because You gifted him the trophy, in order to keep us, Your staff, safe. Therefore it was only right of You to remember him he had actually lost so many matches against You prior to these finals of the finals. There is no way any little guy should ever be allowed to think his winning or loosing against You has anything to do with how they might have played themselves; it is all in GOAT’s hands (hooves).
I subsequently expect (as far as i am allowed to expect anything from You as Your blessings are Yours to give and not mine to expect) that You will remind mister Djoke-ster that the number 1 rankings come December 31st were Yours to give to him. If his mom and dad raised him properly (he does seem to be nice to children for instance) he will be sure to thank You extensively, knowing he himself had nothing to do with the outcomes.
I hope (expect) Mr. London will act upon Your letter, by adding some little guys to the drawers this week. Or otherwise mister Djoke-ster might thank You by pulling out of the drawers himself? He has already created a small escape by stating he was somewhat sickly yesterday.
Wishing You will be freed of Your little nigglings soon. I will be sure to pack a couple of extra apples for Your trip to London. After all: An apple a day, keeps the nigglings away!
Heidi (humble and little, but very happy to at last be able to write to You again).
Dear #humble® #GoAT®,
I thinks it was a ways of telling you to be tolerant. No?
The #humble® Lord.
You still have to see more of Murray, Fed, better get used to it 🙂
Dear Getting Old And Tired for I understand that is what GOAT stands for, it is a long times since we have heard from you. I do hope that you haven’t been doing the sulkings. The nigglings are nothing to worry you…just your body telling you that you are reaching the end of your careering around. It even happened to Andre and John once. It may be time to hang up your balls and your racquets. Perhaps one of your staff will do that for you. It can’t be Heidi as she is too small and overburdened with apples and I can’t do it as I’m busy coaching the twins to do the Highland Fling. I may see you in London at the 02 where I will generously give my support to your opponent. Seems only fair as you employ the tactics for the puttings off very well. Mr London is no fool where the drawings are concerned . He has your number which will be 2, then 3 and 4. Nice sequence there, don’t you think. Swiss precision!! And so I bid you farewell. Hope the nigglings and the fatigue are not too trivial. ps Am looking forward to the new book by Andy….it will look good in my bookcase alongside his others, and those by Rafa, Boris, Andre, Mac, Nastase etc. I have quite the collectings of the tennis greats. Greetings to your family and tell Mirca she needs to practise smiling occasionally.
Insightful as always, PF… so handy to hear the Humble Truth to these events and set the recordings straight… hope the WTF peeps sort that draw out post-haste – would be ridiculous if you had to play The Big Guys… Ridiculous…
After you ate your customary (simple, lobster thermidor) pizza with the Basel ball boys, I heard you had some Humble Pie to celebrate your ‘second-winner’ performance… May you eat more pie in the future. Bon appetit… Congratulations…
Where is my reply that I posted last night?
I am a little worried mister Djoke-ster might read Your bloggings and our comments. I thought his English was better than mister Nadals’s, but he might have misunderstood my talking about pulling out early. I meant London, not Paris!
I wonder if this Darth-Djoke-Drama made You smile or maybe grind Your Goatly teeth just a little bit.
At least Supergran will have rejoiced, ’cause Paris is Andy’s for the taking now. Will they include this chapter in that book they promised to send You? Maybe there is still time to put in a “Thank You for Paris dear GOAT” as well. They should, obviously. Actually, Andy should sign a copy for You himself!
Heidi (still picking apples, just in case)
I am so looking forward to your appearance at the End of the World Tour Finals. I was fortunate enough to be in the crowd to see you one year and I treasure the memory of you walking on court to “I used to rule the world” by Coldplay. Hope they come up with some equally inspiring music for you this year.