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Posts Tagged ‘Wimbledon’

An open letter to tournament bosses

Posted in Rome, tagged , , , , , on May 18, 2013 | 11 Comments »

Hello, I address this to all four of you:

1. Mr. Wimbledon (probably my favorite).
2. Roland (Still not sure about you).
3. Mr. U.S. Open (You still haven’t told Me what your initials stand for).
4. Mr. Mate down in Australia.

I write this during My week being the guest of Mr. Empire in Rome. I learned that (The Importance of Being) Ernests Gulbis graded himself concerning his game with Rafaello Nadal. Gulbis gave himself an A minus. Is this what we’re doing now? Grading ourselves? Why didn’t anybody tell Me before? I am very angry about it. Think of all those A+ grades I’ve missed out on!

Anyway, My friends, back to My letter. I haven’t had the best of years. Stanford has done better than Me so far this year and that is not something I’d ever imagined staff telling My grandchildren.

However! Mr. Empire has made Me feel good about Myself again, because I’m worth it. He has understood that My excellence requires a little je ne sais quoi. He put Rafaello and Novak on the opposite side to Me. OK it wasn’t all great as he mistakenly put Andrew of the Murrays on My side of the draw. However, I would like you all to take the leaf from the book here for the remainder of My career (a further 25 years, graded at A+).

Mr. Wimbledon – You have always been good to Me so more of the same please. A+ for you.

Roland – I feel you’ve focused too much on Rafaello on trying to annoy and upset him. I’m a little surprised that it’s taken you this long to realize that this motivates him to win. What have you done for Me? You know how much your crowd always cheer for Me, even against French players. So where is the GOAT love? I can’t believe you still lay clay down each year. You know how much I hate it anyway. You get an F, and no, that doesn’t stand for French, or maybe it does?Fed_phones

Mr. U.S. Open – You certainly get an A. You’ve been almost as nice as Mr. Wimbledon. I’m sorry everybody criticizes you about not having a roof. Don’t take it personally. How are the plans coming along about moving the tournament to Indian Wells? Has this become public yet? If not staff will seal My lips and keep it under My wraps.

Mr. Mate. Hello My Mate. You have been good to Me too. It isn’t that you can’t improve, compared to Me, everybody can. I do have to travel a long way to come and see you and this is quite inconvenient. If you’d consider moving nearer Switzerland you’d go from an A to an A+.

In conclusion, you’d all benefit from seeing what Mr. Empire has done in Rome. Come on guys, let’s push the envelopes and think outside of the boxes. let us bring tennis and My career to a new level.

Yours,
PF xxx

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My open letter to Mr. London and story of recent gift

Posted in Basel, tagged , , , , , , , on October 30, 2012 | 12 Comments »

This is My letter to Mr. London Finals. As always, I like to share as much as possible with My fans so here it is. It was hand-delivered by staff.

Dear Mr. London,

I am fine.

Actually I am not fine. I have the little niggles that are bothering Me at the moment. I cannot go into the details because of Tommy Haas. The second half of the year has not been so good. During Shanghai I had to give up the finals of the semis because of a major weather alert. It was very risky to play in the treacherous conditions and I made some apprehensions. In the end I decided to let it go, it was just not worth it.

Just recently I was in the Basel Masters 5000 in Basel, My “homes” tournament. I have won this grand event for the past 29 years but again, I put safety first. There was an earthquake off the West Coast of Canada that morning and I decided, when facing 3 match points against Me in the tie break, that I should lose. Decided? Yes, you will know from various Press Conferences that it is Me that decides whether to win or lose matches. So, for the sake of Me and My staff I thought it better to leave Basel tout de suite in case the earthquake decided to spread and move towards us. Safety first.

Lastly, I have decided not to play in Paris. Sorry to all My French fans, I know you will be devastated. But in every pillow, there is a gold lining (well, there is in mine anyway) and I would like to tell you that Rafa won’t be there. You may all smile for 10 minutes.

Lastly, Mr. London I would like to inform you of an error for the End of Year World Tour Finals in London, at the end of the year, after the world tour, in London. I instructed staff to make the checkings on your website (internet) and you seem to have only put up one side of the draw and you have mistakenly put Me in it. I recognize most of the names. This must be Djokovic and Murray’s side of the draw. Where are the other ones that I normally play? The Little Guys? I am confident you will correct this as soon as possibles. If you need any assistance do contact My good friend Mr. Wimbledon who will be happy to help.

Lastly, to add an insult to My injuries, I feel that I was recently the victim of a dupe. What I thought was a good friend of Mine, Mr. Mark Hodgkinsons, gave Me a gift of a book he wrote. Mark is the boss of TheTennisSpace.com and they are lucky enough to have Me write some exclusives for them sometimes. He gave Me this gift wrapped in gold paper, a “special preview before the release date” he said. I was so excited! I thought it was a book about Me. I settled down with staff and arranged a small humble unwrapping ceremony. I even got comfortable waiting for staff to read it Me. To My horror I discovered it was a book about Andy Murray! As though I haven’t seen enough of him this year already! However, I think Mr. Hodgkinsons did this as the jokes so I made a small chortle. I imagine he will see Me again soon with a book about Me.

Sort out the draw Mr. London.

You’re welcome,
PF
xxx

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My letter to Andy Rodrickson @andyroddick

Posted in New York, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on September 2, 2012 | 18 Comments »

Hello Andy Rod and fans,

I wish to continue the theme of my bloggings to never make this about Me.

A few days ago one of the biggest characters of the sport made the announcements that he has reached the age of retirement. Quite surprising as he doesn’t look that old to Me but to the GOAT, everybody looks young.

I first heard about it from a member of staff who gently wrapped on My door whilst I was watching videos of Myself admiring the techniques. He said, “May I interrupt you, GOAT”? I replied, “Only for a moment, enter. I had no idea My stats were that good.”

When he told Me about Andy I made the shocked faces. It was one of those moments you never forgot in your life; where you were, which staff member you were with, which Rolex from the collection you were wearing. At first I was angry that Mr. Rodrickson hadn’t made the permissions with Me about this announcement. But then I did the sentimentals.

I came into this tournament with the high expectations and motivations to make H18TORY but something has changed inside of Me.
Are my records the most important thing in the world?
Is it important that I am better in all records than Pistol Peter?
Should I continue My long standing friendship with Mr. Wimbledon?
Shall I continue to choose not to win Roland Garros?
Will I always smile and agree at being called the GOAT?

The answer to these questions is obviously a round YES. But is there more to the life than Me? Andy’s announcement has forced Me to be internalspective and look inside of Myself for deep answers about what else matters.

Recently I used the tweetings technology to inform you all that I haven’t yet decided whether to win the US Open this year. I will decide over the course of this next week, probably during a match. If, and this is an if of significant proportionings, I decide not to win, it will be a loss dedicated to Mr. Rodrickson. I will then urge everybody in the world, yes, all of My fans, to temporarily switch the support and help Andy win this tournament. Make the “R” stand for Rodrickson. He should go out with styles. Maybe I will lend him one of My cardigans? Maybe I will ask My friend Anna Winterbottom to design something for him. Hmmm, I am wearing My Thoughtful Hat making the out-loud thinkings .

You know tennis is not everything in life. Making the retirements is always an option we should all consider. Especially Djokovic, Nadal, Murray, Ferrer, Tsonga, Berdych, Del Potro (too tall), Tipsarevic and Isner (too tall) et al. I may also do the considerings Myself. Well, a couple of years after these have left. We have to think of the fans too.

I know the big tennis bosses don’t like players with the strong personalities, they want quiet obedient ones, even though personalities make the sport so great. But we’ll be losing a great personality after this tournament. Goodbye Mr. Rodrickson, the sport will never be the same again. Take care and best of luck in your next adventures. You will really miss Me.

PF xxx

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Would you like to work for the GOAT? #yes

Posted in Personal, tagged , , , , , , , on August 19, 2012 | 8 Comments »

Hello fans from the Cincinnati!

I encourage anybody that has not been here before to visit this beautiful place. For My British fans, there is also a Hyde Park here so you will not feel sick from the home. Cincinnati is like the sandwich fillings in between KFC and Ohio.

We have reached the final! Today I will play Djokovic. I may win today later, or not. I haven’t decided yet. I will let you know after the match.

The main reason for this bloggings before I go on court is to open the large antique wooden doors for the many people who want to join My happy team of staff. Followers of My tweetings will know that I regularly fire staff, this year especially. The team that look after Me is looking like it has been on the big diet so we need to make the fattings up. Would you? Can you? … make the landings of the dream job? I am looking for:

- Finishing Executive: This person makes the final touches before I make the appearances. The successful candidate will be a person with style and knows about fashion and white Wimbledon clothes.

- GOAT Bag Organizer: I have many of the different things in My on court bag that need to be there and in pristine quality. A portable music player, sun protection creams, personal hygiene tools for the Finishing Exectutive, FedBerry for courtside tweetings, t-shirts, socks, undergarments (Borg), racquets, olives (Greek) and ice cream.

- Pillow Plumper: My rest and the relaxations is very important as anybody can probably make the imaginations. And the pillow is a big part of this. This person must have proven experience in pillow case technology. I like my pillows to look like the marshmallows but I don’t want to eat them. Must also illustrate the skill in leaving the little chocolate in the centre of the pillow each night (chocolates will be provided #Lindt).

- FedBerry Charger: There is no need to worry, you do not need to look like a electrical piece of equipment with wiry limbs. I make the jokes! No this is a very responsible position of ensuring My FedBerry is always ready, charged up with the spare battery. This person must be the most trusted one as they will have access to My personal and business phones. No tweeting to be done on My behalf.

- Window Cleaner: This person will be located in My home in Switzerland. Must be able to clean two thousand, nine hundred and sixty one panes of glass.

There are some other positions but these are the most pressings. If you have the references and think you are up to the challenge get excited! Any applicant with knowledge of Serbian, Scottish and Spanish need not apply. No applicants must be taller than Me.

Please reply to My staff that deal with such things. *

Hugs,
PF xxx

* position yet to be filled.

 

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Seeing doubles twice

Posted in Olympics 2012, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 5, 2012 | 9 Comments »

Good evening,

So is this a new thing fans? Do all Grand Slams have to be played twice now every time I win? Am I going to be made to enter in the U.S. Open twice? But it’s OK. I like to stay positive.

I am so happy to confirm that I am the only player in H1STORY to win a PLATINUM medal. Congratulations to Andy for getting a yellow one. He will have more chances in the future. As I confirmed to Sue Barker after the match, I had a really tough draw so it’s been a difficult week yet I was still able to pull through.

You will allow Me to detail the detailed problems I had to overcome in detail.

Everybody knows My feelings about tall players. So what did they do? In the final of the semis they forced Me to play the man with too many names. These types of players should not be allowed in the tennis. How many times do I have to highlight this issue to the officials? If this happens again I am not coming back next year.

The other serious issue is that of My doubles partner, Stanford. I read reports in the papers that carry the news that he was making the parties until 2 o’clock in the morning the night before our doubles match. Is this how he repays Me for allowing him to carry the flag? It seems the answer is yes. I am taking this opportunity to declare I am officially looking for a new doubles mate. All applications will be evaluated by My staff and Me.

Before I commence My celebrations for My achievements this evening I sadly have to make the snitchings. It has been brought to My attention that the Bryan Brothers are the same person. I don’t believe this is allowed in Olympic events. Why do they look the same? I have twins and they don’t look the same. If you look closely with binoculars you’ll see there is no difference. I mean, has anybody ever seen them on court at the same time? This is like Me going for a comfort break and then Me coming out again pretending to be another one. Incorrect. Olympic officials please make the investigations and if they are stripped of their Gold medals  and it happens to go spare please contact Me immediately.

PF xxx

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How to win an Olympic Go1d Medal

Posted in Olympics 2012, tagged , , , , , , on August 3, 2012 | 11 Comments »

Hello fans,

Today we made H1STORY with the longest match ever in the Olympics! It was another record I had not held so this morning I decided to, “Just Do It” #sponsors

I want to make the dedications of this bloggings to Mr Bradlings (@bgtennisnation). For those that don’t know him, he is the equivalent in tennis in the same way Mr. Harmans (@NeilHarmanTimes) is to journos.

You see being a GOAT I know the rules of the tennis game very well and you have to make all the advantages you can. Mr. Bradlings has written a book called, “Win even if not pretty”. For those not familiar with the metaphoricals, this means you can still win even when you are having a bad hair days.

What am I making the referrals to? The rule books say you cannot receive courtside help. So I asked Mr. Bradlings for some special advice to dig Myself out of another Spanish (speaking) hole. I have a habit of getting Myself into these. However! This was completely legal because I used My FedBerry under the towelings. I received a swift reply with a very unusual tip to drink some cold beer. No other coach has ever said this to Me.

This is where I went in the comfort break during the match. I enjoyed a small beverage, some olives and a little bruschetta. I felt so refreshed on coming back, I won!!! I must say this really should be the job of My current coach, Paul Aanaconda so I am thinking of making the replacements.

Given this, for the final I am going to the Pub to really embrace this new approach and drink Myself under the tables.

Once again, thank you Mr. Bradlings, the pleasure was all yours.

PF xxx

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Bloggings from Olympic Britain

Posted in Olympics 2012, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on August 2, 2012 | 12 Comments »

Hello Dear ones,

It has been difficult to keep up with the bloggings as My time has been full to the top. But I am here now.

The race for the Olympic Gold Medallion is going great. Although today somebody made Me play a tall one. I already have a ridiculously difficult draw so I think is making the insults. Let’s not make the problems though, it went OK. An exciting match full of great rallies!

I prefer not to speak about my doubles with Stanford. As Mr. Captain Mannering used to say in the British show, ‘Father’s Army’ – “Stupid Boy”. Although if I am making the honesty I will say that I already have this gold medallion. I am looking for the one you get for playing by yourself (not with a friend). I will wear it proudly and fashionably with the open shirts.

I have spent so long here in the UK I feel that I am a local one. I am trying to learn more than usual about the culture and I thought I would share the findings.

UK stands for United Kingdom. In the north there is a country called the Scotland. This is owned by Andrew Murray. It seems very fashionable to wear what is called a “Kilt”. I like this very much as it allows more freedom of the movements. The front part is called a Sporran and this will be a useful place to keep the FedBerry although I will have to choose the message alert settings carefully. I have already been in contact with a top UK fashion house to have one made in white for Wimbledon next year. I hope not to fall over during a match and make the revealings.

To the west there is a country called Wales. Again they are the lovely people and they can all sing. I can understand the Scottish accent, but the Welsh is so strong it seems like another language.

There is also Northern Ireland but I cannot study this yet as the sea is in the way. I will use the computer to find out more.

Yesterday (the Wednesday) I mixed with the crowds in Wimbledon in My usual disguises. It was fun times seeing how the people on the other halves live. Most people didn’t recognise Me. Someone did. I know you were pleased to see Me and it was your pleasure to spend some time with Me. You’re welcome.

PF xxx

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Let the GOAT begin

Posted in Olympics 2012, tagged , , , , , , , , on July 26, 2012 | 10 Comments »

Hello fans,

It has been some times since I have sent you a bloggings. I imagine your little lives have been waiting with anxiousness for My next news. Wait no more!

You see I needed to take a little vacation after a gruelling and very successful year so far. I have achieved so much and extended My records yet further still. As you all appreciate, I know, a little humble break every month can really give the GOAT batteries a much needed recharge.

I’m here really today to answer some things that everybody keeps asking Me. Why am I not staying in the Olympic Village?

Well firstly I may have been born at night, but I was not born two nights ago. It is not really a village fans. It is a lie and telling lies is very bad. There is no Post Office that has ‘always been there’. There are no shops, especially ones of fashion times. The green grocer is also missing so when you tell your staff it is time for the shopping they will not know where to do this. I will make a bet you will also not find Britain’s top Policeman, Inspector Barnaby, there either.

For Me? I am renting the same humble house for Me and the team. In Britain they have a special phrase for when people are trying to make the tricks, it is, “making the hoodwinks”. I am very wise to this. I know I have already won Wimbledon this year. Mr. Wimbledon is thinking that by getting his staff to change the colours around his grounds that I will not notice it is the same place. It is fun! I play along so not to hurt his feeling.

Are you all ready for the opening ceremony? It really is a lot of trouble everybody has gone to, to celebrate Me. They are even hosting little side events like Track in the Fields, Gymnastic things, the Swims, and so many entertainments for those not lucky enough to have those golden tickets to see Me. Please try to enjoy them too. These athletes have been training for a very long time to provide the side entertainment.

Humbly yours,
PF xxx

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Jimmy Fallon and Sardines

Posted in Media, tagged , , , , , , , , , on July 12, 2012 | 11 Comments »

Hello from Sunny Sardinia!

I did plan to make the quiet times after a growling 2 weeks with Mr. Wimbledon. Sometimes we need to make the breaks from what we do in our jobs. The tennis court is My office. We have a little kitchens where you can have fruit and little snacks. Ball servants that fetch you things like the interns people. Slightly uncomfortable chairs. A water dispensers and, in Mr. Wimbledon’s court, we also have available a pleasant selection of fruit drinks from Mrs. Robinson. She is older than Me.

So why am I making the bloggings?

Well this week one of My favorite television stars that make the comedy on the television made an impersonation of Me. What do I think of people pretending to be Me? At first I didn’t know about his sketch then one of My staff told Me. I replied, “Oh really? Is it funny?”

The name of the impersonator is Jimmy Fallon. He makes the GOAT smile, usually for the approximations of 10 minutes 52 seconds at a time. As you can make the imaginations, this is something I must enjoy a lot! I cannot remember the last time I smiled for this sort of time span. It cannot be longer than about two weeks ago.

I saw on My tweetings timeline that many fans were also making the comments. Obviously everybody agreed that nobody can replicate the original Me but we should still enjoy James’s work here on this occasion. I will use internet technologies to insert the videos at the end of this note from Me and it will appear that your television has entered My bloggings!

Sardinia is beautiful! I really recommend spending your time away from your office here too. Preferably on a humble private yacht. Mirky seems a bit down and says she wanted to come here a few days ago and that we came a bit late. Not sure why as this island has been here for a long time so hasn’t changed or made any evolutions. I think I am making some revealings that I do study in My hobby a lot of geneology (the study of how the earth is made up of plates). So I tried to explain to her that it doesn’t matter when we came in our life times as the plates have been here longer.

OK fans. I will kick back and for once let Chef and My staff do all the work. This evening I have arranged for a private and romantic dinner for 26.

Hear from Me again as I prepare for the Olympics! Strange that it was in Beijing last time, from here I will be travelling directly to Greece.

PF xo

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Dog & Fox Pub

Posted in Wimbledon, tagged , , , , , , , , , on July 9, 2012 | 12 Comments »

Good evening from your Champion!

I had a pleasant day, had a gentle morning, played tennis this afternoon and then H1S7ORY.

You’ve already heard My press conferences and interview with Sue (Minx) Barker. As My tweetings said during the interview, I feel that she made the intentions of brushing past My GOAT bottoms. I am making debates about whether I should report her to Mr. Wimbledon for the harassments . I think I need to complete some application forms first.

After doing the obligatory interviews confirming how great I am My staff had a surprise for Me. I smiled for 9 minutes and 52 seconds when I saw it! It was an Emperor’s Sedan Chair. I will attach a photo for you here in this bloggings. They must have had it flown over from one of My homes. The plan was that they wanted to carry Me back to the apartment in it. I said yes.

It took longer than expected, especially negotiating the traffic stop lights. People in Wimbledon Village did a lot of the starings but I am used to this as everybody loves to see Me.

I realised that the staff member on the front-right was not as fast as the other three. I wasn’t sure in the beginnings but when I saw the Dog & Fox pub three times going around the roundabout circles at the end of Church Road this made the confirmations.

As you can make the imaginations, I had to fire him immediately for insubordination. then I realised I was one person short (front-right). Replacing him was not straight forward. We had to organise interviews, checking of the backgrounds, selection then training (rigorous). I got home eventually and here I am.

About the match? Well I am a little angry here. Mr. Wimbledon told Me that I was the local hero. In fact, no matter where I play the crowd always support Me over anybody else. But today I did not feel this. I was a lot surprised because the Prime Ministerial Boss of Great Britain, David Cameroon was there. One assumed they would be more obedient with their boss and Me in the house. I nearly shouted Shut Up several times but decided to detain Myself in case Andrew aimed a ball at My trophies like he did with Tsonga.

I was surprised to learn that as well as winning I am the number one seedling too! Really? You’re welcome!

Now I am making the preparations for the Olympics and we are going for Go1d.

Till next time,

PF xxx

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