Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Twitter’

Pet (GOAT) Peeves

Posted in RolandGarros, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2013 | 12 Comments »

Hello Mon fans,

I thought it was time to make the little waves and say hi from Paris (France).

Even though I have a reasonably good route on My way to the finals, I’ve been a little down lately. The fact that I have to play at all is starting to dwell on the brains. I chatted about it yesterday with Roland and he said that next year he will look at having three draws, two for the other players that reach a semi-final, and the winner plays Me. I said I’ll think about it.

Anyway, I thought I would share what irritates Me a little bit of the times. Pet Peeves I believe they are called but as always fans, don’t buy them, get them from a shelter.

1.
My work tweetings account is @rogerfederer. At the time of staff writing, I still haven’t reached three hundred thousand followers and it’s been nearly a week. Is this some kind of joke? Mirky said that Rafa has over four million followers. I can’t fire Mirky. But really this is not acceptable. Please encourage your family, friends, small children and foreigners to follow Me. Thank you and you’re welcome.

2.
Judy of the Murrays. I heard her commentate during a ladies match on the television set earlier during fedhammockthe week. Did you hear her? Her voice was quite incredible and really did the soothings. I laid down on one of hammocks, asked staff to close My eyes and I started to reminisce about My childhood. Why is this a peeve? She did not mention Me. Commentators usually mention Me regardless of who is playing and sometimes regardless of the sport they are commentating on. Could somebody remind her please if she does this again. Though a couple of days have passed since listening to her voice and I’m still feeling very relaxed and refreshed.

3.
Andrew of the Murrays. Andrew recently made a tweetings about a video on the YouTubes about GOATs. It wasn’t enough that he took My Gold Medal, he’s not in Paris and yet he is still goading Me, or should I say goating?
The only Murray that is not on this list is Jamie so he is currently My favorite.

4.
Alexandra Willis (@alex_willis) is a top journo person. She recently made the tweetings that she travelled from the station to Roland Garros on the back of a motorcycle. This is not acceptable. Our journos should be treated with almost the same respect as Me. She should have had a car waiting for her not a motorbike. Early reports suggest that Mr Harmans (@NeilHarmanTimes) was driving the bike but as yet this remains uncomfirmed. If it transpires that it was him, I may rename him to, Harley Harman.

That’s it for now. I have a match soon against somebody or other. I’m playing on Suzanne Longlong court. I won’t be long long.

PF xxx

Read Full Post »

My Two Twitter Accounts

Posted in Personal, tagged , , , , , on May 21, 2013 | 8 Comments »

Hello everybody fans, or, as we’re approaching Roland Garros we should say, Allo Allo! I will write this only once.

Today you have been informed that I have opened another tweetings account @rogerfederer. This was largely an exercise for the PR (Relations of the Public). I don’t know why the surprise. I can have more than one account if I want. I may open another account tomorrow then I’ll have three. It’s the perfect time to get one of these accounts as I understand Twitter is becoming quite fashionable but more importantly it’s a great opportunity to connect with My fans at the beginning of My career.

Having two twitter accounts is like the Queen of the United Kingdoms that has two Birthdays. For one of them she watches strange men on horses whilst she does the smiling, for her other Birthday she has the party times and I imagine is being served MOAT Champagne (no other sparkling drinks are available).roger_Federer_suit

This second account will be used for official “brand” announcements. It will sometimes be run by staff. Occasionally I may attach a photograph of where I am to allow you to see places that you’ll never be able to visit for yourself. If I’m allowed, I’ll make the sponsorship tweetings about things that you’ll never be able to afford. Paul Anaconda may sometimes use it too, you’ll see by My results so far this year that he hasn’t been very busy lately.

My usual account will be the real Me. No holding of the bars and the real nitty of the gritties. I will guarantee that I will always continue to make the courtside tweetings from My usual personal account. If a staff member makes a tweet from the “offical” account that I do not like I will fire them online! #exciting

So please do follow My other account. It won’t be cutting the edges like My original account, but I’m sure it’ll give you the fun times, sometimes.

PF xxx

Read Full Post »

The GOAT’s Speech

Posted in Personal, tagged , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2012 | 10 Comments »

To all My loyal Subjectives,

As we draw towards the end of another great year for Me I wanted to send My Christmas, Holiday and New Year wishes to you all, so many of you.

I had a wonderful gift from one of My sponsors that make razors (Lillette). They organized a trip to south of America so more people could see Me. It was very emotional for them which is understandable:

Imagine all that you could wish for. This is what it was like for them and I smiled at being able to bring so much joy to their lives. You’re welcome.Gillete-Federer-Tour-2012 Of course, I had sponsor commitments so it was important that I was very clean shaven so I made sure staff did a good job every morning before I left the hotel apartment suites. I also gave out free sponsor razor blades to fans at every opportunity for sponsor brand awareness. This was fine although a little awkward when I met the President of Argentina, Cristina Fernández de Kirchner.

It has been a stressful time since returning homes. Christmas time is always stressful as you all know. The biggest headache of all is which home to spend Christmas Day in. It causes so much friction each year as I know it does for you all too. I’m sure it will be one of them. It is always fun in the end. Sometimes in the morning I even go into the kitchen and share the little jokes with Chef. One year I pretended to help with the cooking and the rest of the staff were in shock and started to make the clapping noise with their hands. We really fooled them and Chef and I made the high five. Then there was this one time, at training camp, when I had a little whoopsie cushion that makes the little noise when you sit on it. Mirky was not amused.

To finish, Me and My staff would like to wish you all, regardless of faith, religion and height a very happy time during the festive season and I hope that next year (2013) will be even better for Me.

Much love,
PF xxx

Read Full Post »

Caption Competition Times!

Posted in Shanghai, tagged , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2012 | 31 Comments »

Hello Fans!

Following the typhoon this evening in Shanghai that made Me lose the match I thought it would be a good time to celebrate My 300th week at being the GOAT.

Let’s have some fun times and write a caption of what Andrew of the Murrays and Me were saying here. One of My staff wanted to leave a comment saying Andrew was asking, “Where exactly do you see the rain?” … he got fired.

Please leave a comment with your captions. There will be no winner, because I am already the number one seedling. It will be your pleasure to leave a comment and that shall be your prize. You’re welcome.

Read Full Post »

Who is he?

Posted in New York, tagged , , , , , on September 6, 2012 | 16 Comments »

Hello My fans!

I am fine. You’re welcome.

I need to share some important informations.

About two weeks agoat, My staff and I came to the Big Apples to do the relaxing times and go to the shopping. I bought one of those Space Pens here last year. Apparently they are supposed to write on anything but when I went to autograph one of My watches for Myself I discovered to My horror that it doesn’t write on gold. I kept the receipt so came here for the refunds.

I chose not to enter in the US Open this time because I achieved My goals for the year. Namely:

- Become the number one seedling
- Win Platinum at the Olympics (tennis)
- Learn to cook Cannelloni con Ricotta e Spinaci
- Fly a kite

However, to My dismay I discovered someone doing the impersonatings entered in the US Open tennis pretending to be Me! When I first heard about it I said, “Oh really, is he funny?”.

My true fans will know it isn’t Me. For a beginning, everybody knows I only play against players ranked lower than four thousand, two hundred and ninety eight until at least the semi-finals. Secondly the imposter has been wearing different color socks to My last tournament. Lastly he made the struttings around the court in a manner that was not humble.

One of My staff took an electronic photograph and caught the imposter with red hands. Guilty! Look for yourselves.

What will he do next? Open a twitter account and start making the tweetings? It isn’t that I mind, after all, as they say, imitation is the best form of flattening.

Anyway, let’s look forward to Saint David’s Cup. There is no tennis on before then.

Love as always,
PF xxx

Read Full Post »

My letter to Andy Rodrickson @andyroddick

Posted in New York, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on September 2, 2012 | 18 Comments »

Hello Andy Rod and fans,

I wish to continue the theme of my bloggings to never make this about Me.

A few days ago one of the biggest characters of the sport made the announcements that he has reached the age of retirement. Quite surprising as he doesn’t look that old to Me but to the GOAT, everybody looks young.

I first heard about it from a member of staff who gently wrapped on My door whilst I was watching videos of Myself admiring the techniques. He said, “May I interrupt you, GOAT”? I replied, “Only for a moment, enter. I had no idea My stats were that good.”

When he told Me about Andy I made the shocked faces. It was one of those moments you never forgot in your life; where you were, which staff member you were with, which Rolex from the collection you were wearing. At first I was angry that Mr. Rodrickson hadn’t made the permissions with Me about this announcement. But then I did the sentimentals.

I came into this tournament with the high expectations and motivations to make H18TORY but something has changed inside of Me.
Are my records the most important thing in the world?
Is it important that I am better in all records than Pistol Peter?
Should I continue My long standing friendship with Mr. Wimbledon?
Shall I continue to choose not to win Roland Garros?
Will I always smile and agree at being called the GOAT?

The answer to these questions is obviously a round YES. But is there more to the life than Me? Andy’s announcement has forced Me to be internalspective and look inside of Myself for deep answers about what else matters.

Recently I used the tweetings technology to inform you all that I haven’t yet decided whether to win the US Open this year. I will decide over the course of this next week, probably during a match. If, and this is an if of significant proportionings, I decide not to win, it will be a loss dedicated to Mr. Rodrickson. I will then urge everybody in the world, yes, all of My fans, to temporarily switch the support and help Andy win this tournament. Make the “R” stand for Rodrickson. He should go out with styles. Maybe I will lend him one of My cardigans? Maybe I will ask My friend Anna Winterbottom to design something for him. Hmmm, I am wearing My Thoughtful Hat making the out-loud thinkings .

You know tennis is not everything in life. Making the retirements is always an option we should all consider. Especially Djokovic, Nadal, Murray, Ferrer, Tsonga, Berdych, Del Potro (too tall), Tipsarevic and Isner (too tall) et al. I may also do the considerings Myself. Well, a couple of years after these have left. We have to think of the fans too.

I know the big tennis bosses don’t like players with the strong personalities, they want quiet obedient ones, even though personalities make the sport so great. But we’ll be losing a great personality after this tournament. Goodbye Mr. Rodrickson, the sport will never be the same again. Take care and best of luck in your next adventures. You will really miss Me.

PF xxx

Read Full Post »

Minutes of the last Player Council Meeting

Posted in New York, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 30, 2012 | 11 Comments »

Hello everyone.

I thought it was the right time to disclose what happened at the last Player Council meeting as it contained secrets . There has been a lot of the speculations about this meeting as attending was compulsive, you had no choices but to come. It was held behind big doors. But I thought it was time to make the openness to My fans. Here are the moments of this meeting.

Notable Attendees:
Me.
All the staff at WTAToday.com who came to stare at Gilles Simon.
Neil Harman, Top Journo of the Times in London. (@NeilHarmanTimes)
Judy Murray, Captain “Fed” Cup. (@judmoo)

All the official umpires, they sat around the edges of the room on chairs that were higher than everybody else’s, except Mine.

Brad Gilbert (@bgtennisnation) also came. I allowed this as I like Mr. Bradlings. Chris Fowler came to commentate on the meeting but I said no. Djokovic came dressed as Sharapova and she came dressed as him to try and trick Me. But I knew the trick because they came as each other. As the saying goes: “You can fool some of the GOATs some of the time, you can fool all of the GOATs some of the time. But you can always fool the GOAT all of the time.”

Andy Murray sat right at the front wearing his Gold Medal and he had a very big grin on his face like a Cheshire Cat. For My fans outside of the UK, Cheshire is a county in England where their cats are always very happy.

Mr. Bradlings started the meeting by standing up and announcing that the last Australian player to win the Australian Open was Mark Edmundson in 1976. I looked at him and said, “thank you”.

Tommy Haas said if anyone has an injury during the U.S. Open they are to check with him first before calling a trainer.

I looked at him and then looked at Andy Murray who rolled his eyes (both of them).

David Nalbandian asked if the lines judges would have flimsy wooden panels like at Queens in London. Nobody knew although Serena Williams said she would check for him providing he cared to shut his d**m mouth. This moment got a little heated and I nearly called My staff but Mr. Bradlings made the interceptions and told us all that in the last two decades, Marat Safin made the most Aces (31) without a Double Fault in 2004.

Andy Murray asked how I did in the Olympics with the same grin and I gestured to staff who held up a flag that read, “Shut Up”.

The meeting then held a small break where My staff served Me some little snacks of Italian chargrilled artichokes, flame scorched red and yellow peppers in Olive Oil and bread sticks. To drink I had just a little Pinot Grigio (chilled). For dessert I had some Lindt. Everybody watched, which was nice. For everybody else Sharapova was handing out the Sugarpova candy sweets. Though at this point I was so confused I wasn’t sure if it was her or Djokovic.

I made the nod with My head when I was ready to continue the meeting.

Mr. Bradlings informed us all that the last player to win the U.S. Open whilst saving match points was Fred Perry against Don Budge in 1936.

I thanked him but asked if he’d be quiet now about statistics. He said he was paid by the word. I said I was paid by the amount of times TV commentators mention My name whilst commentating on other matches.

John McEnroe said he wanted to arrest Me as he didn’t understand Twitter. At this point I allowed Chris Fowler into the meeting to try and explain Twitter to him and yet again he convinced John not to have Me arrested. This was the second time this has happened this year.

At this point Judy Murray passed Me a little notes whilst making the winks with one of her eyes (left). It read: “I know I always talk about Deliciano Lopez but you know you’re My favorite Fedelicious xx” – I quickly scribbled: “Yes” and passed it back to her. I don’t think anybody saw. This was fun and a little like High School. Except I went to school with Stanford Wawrinka and somehow it wasn’t quite the same.

Janko Tipsarevic stood up and read out one of his philosophy essays about perceptual reality. I’m not sure anybody knew what he was talking about, and I don’t think he did either.

The meeting ended with Mr. Harmans asking us all to stand up whilst he sang, “God Save the Queen.” Andy Murray stood on a podium and sang the loudest.

Read Full Post »

Would you like to work for the GOAT? #yes

Posted in Personal, tagged , , , , , , , on August 19, 2012 | 8 Comments »

Hello fans from the Cincinnati!

I encourage anybody that has not been here before to visit this beautiful place. For My British fans, there is also a Hyde Park here so you will not feel sick from the home. Cincinnati is like the sandwich fillings in between KFC and Ohio.

We have reached the final! Today I will play Djokovic. I may win today later, or not. I haven’t decided yet. I will let you know after the match.

The main reason for this bloggings before I go on court is to open the large antique wooden doors for the many people who want to join My happy team of staff. Followers of My tweetings will know that I regularly fire staff, this year especially. The team that look after Me is looking like it has been on the big diet so we need to make the fattings up. Would you? Can you? … make the landings of the dream job? I am looking for:

- Finishing Executive: This person makes the final touches before I make the appearances. The successful candidate will be a person with style and knows about fashion and white Wimbledon clothes.

- GOAT Bag Organizer: I have many of the different things in My on court bag that need to be there and in pristine quality. A portable music player, sun protection creams, personal hygiene tools for the Finishing Exectutive, FedBerry for courtside tweetings, t-shirts, socks, undergarments (Borg), racquets, olives (Greek) and ice cream.

- Pillow Plumper: My rest and the relaxations is very important as anybody can probably make the imaginations. And the pillow is a big part of this. This person must have proven experience in pillow case technology. I like my pillows to look like the marshmallows but I don’t want to eat them. Must also illustrate the skill in leaving the little chocolate in the centre of the pillow each night (chocolates will be provided #Lindt).

- FedBerry Charger: There is no need to worry, you do not need to look like a electrical piece of equipment with wiry limbs. I make the jokes! No this is a very responsible position of ensuring My FedBerry is always ready, charged up with the spare battery. This person must be the most trusted one as they will have access to My personal and business phones. No tweeting to be done on My behalf.

- Window Cleaner: This person will be located in My home in Switzerland. Must be able to clean two thousand, nine hundred and sixty one panes of glass.

There are some other positions but these are the most pressings. If you have the references and think you are up to the challenge get excited! Any applicant with knowledge of Serbian, Scottish and Spanish need not apply. No applicants must be taller than Me.

Please reply to My staff that deal with such things. *

Hugs,
PF xxx

* position yet to be filled.

 

Read Full Post »

Ask The GOAT

Posted in Personal, tagged , , , , , , , , , on July 2, 2012 | 19 Comments »

Hello fans,

I want you to know My back is OK. I have been doing My special exercises that I mentioned in the after-match chat and it feels good. So don’t worry.

This bloggings today is about you. I want to give you a gift I know will make you happy. I am doing a questions and few answers session using technology of the big wide web. Over the next few days you can send Me a questions on the twitter using the hash taggings #AskTheGOAT – then I will see them.

I will pick the questions I like and answer them on a future bloggings and your Twitter name will appear by your question and will be public. This means everybody can see it.

The best question will win a prize of… are you making the waiting? …. the user of the best question will be followed on Twitter by Me!

Here are the rules:

  1. I decide which questions to answer. My staff and I will read all of them.
  2. Unseeded rubbish questions will be ignored.
  3. I will decide which questions I choose to ignore and will not justify Myself to anybody (except Mr. Harmans).
  4. If I am already following you and you win, I will unfollow then follow you.
  5. If I do not like the tweetings the winner makes I may still unfollow you in the future at any given time.
  6. My Friends, family members and staff are eligible to enter.
  7. Questions from females and males will be treated equally, but please do not tell Gilles Simon.
  8. One question per tweeter. If anybody submits more than one question I will say “Shut Up”.
  9. All questions must be about Me.
  10. I may change the rules at any time without notice.

Put on your thinking head garments and start tweeting, do not forget: #AskTheGOAT

PF xxx

Read Full Post »

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 21,118 other followers