I hope you all enjoyed the End of the World Tour Finals in London which ended Sunday evening.
This is a welcome time of year where I can have a little time off and look forward to some relaxings. I am playing an exhibition soon. When a staff member told me it was in Rio de Janeiro I advised that I can’t play that month as that is when the Australian Open is. Anyway, they rescheduled and I am very excited to travel to Rio so am busy doing the brush ups on My Italian.
I recently announced that I would like the courts (tennis) to be faster. There is a very viscus rumour doing the travellings that I am saying this for personal gain. A small bird told Me that some people think that Paul Anaconda is doing the same with Me as he did with Pistol Peter, that is, maximise My career by shortening the points as I cannot run the way I used to. This is a lie and also it is not true. Allow Me to set the record straight.
I would like to say that as well as playing tennis I am also a tennis fan. I have lots of DVDs of Myself and watch them regularly. So we can say I am a fan, just like you. Well, not quite like you, but you know what I mean. So I know what fans want. There is nothing that brings them to the edge of their seats more than watching Ace after Ace. Or, when I am receiving, 2 shot games. This makes the crescendo with the tension and builds the excitement leading to a release of rapture. Who wants to see a 20 shot rally when the last shot is a shankings? That is just hitting the ball backwards and forwards and it means I have to do a lot of the runnings. Inappropriate. And anyway, I have a very busy life now with things to do. I can’t spend 5 hours on a court any more. I am able to, I just don’t want to, and you can’t make Me.
Please do try and enjoy yourselves in the next few weeks. If you can, come see Me in Brasil for the exhibition matches. If not, I am excited about going to see My great friends in the Down Under in January. Good Day My mates!
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This is My letter to Mr. London Finals. As always, I like to share as much as possible with My fans so here it is. It was hand-delivered by staff.
Dear Mr. London,
I am fine.
Actually I am not fine. I have the little niggles that are bothering Me at the moment. I cannot go into the details because of Tommy Haas. The second half of the year has not been so good. During Shanghai I had to give up the finals of the semis because of a major weather alert. It was very risky to play in the treacherous conditions and I made some apprehensions. In the end I decided to let it go, it was just not worth it.
Just recently I was in the Basel Masters 5000 in Basel, My “homes” tournament. I have won this grand event for the past 29 years but again, I put safety first. There was an earthquake off the West Coast of Canada that morning and I decided, when facing 3 match points against Me in the tie break, that I should lose. Decided? Yes, you will know from various Press Conferences that it is Me that decides whether to win or lose matches. So, for the sake of Me and My staff I thought it better to leave Basel tout de suite in case the earthquake decided to spread and move towards us. Safety first.
Lastly, I have decided not to play in Paris. Sorry to all My French fans, I know you will be devastated. But in every pillow, there is a gold lining (well, there is in mine anyway) and I would like to tell you that Rafa won’t be there. You may all smile for 10 minutes.
Lastly, Mr. London I would like to inform you of an error for the End of Year World Tour Finals in London, at the end of the year, after the world tour, in London. I instructed staff to make the checkings on your website (internet) and you seem to have only put up one side of the draw and you have mistakenly put Me in it. I recognize most of the names. This must be Djokovic and Murray’s side of the draw. Where are the other ones that I normally play? The Little Guys? I am confident you will correct this as soon as possibles. If you need any assistance do contact My good friend Mr. Wimbledon who will be happy to help.
Lastly, to add an insult to My injuries, I feel that I was recently the victim of a dupe. What I thought was a good friend of Mine, Mr. Mark Hodgkinsons, gave Me a gift of a book he wrote. Mark is the boss of TheTennisSpace.com and they are lucky enough to have Me write some exclusives for them sometimes. He gave Me this gift wrapped in gold paper, a “special preview before the release date” he said. I was so excited! I thought it was a book about Me. I settled down with staff and arranged a small humble unwrapping ceremony. I even got comfortable waiting for staff to read it Me. To My horror I discovered it was a book about Andy Murray! As though I haven’t seen enough of him this year already! However, I think Mr. Hodgkinsons did this as the jokes so I made a small chortle. I imagine he will see Me again soon with a book about Me.
Sort out the draw Mr. London.
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Posted in Olympics 2012, tagged federer, GOAT, humble, London, London2012, Olympics, roger federer, tennis, Wimbledon on July 26, 2012 |
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It has been some times since I have sent you a bloggings. I imagine your little lives have been waiting with anxiousness for My next news. Wait no more!
You see I needed to take a little vacation after a gruelling and very successful year so far. I have achieved so much and extended My records yet further still. As you all appreciate, I know, a little humble break every month can really give the GOAT batteries a much needed recharge.
I’m here really today to answer some things that everybody keeps asking Me. Why am I not staying in the Olympic Village?
Well firstly I may have been born at night, but I was not born two nights ago. It is not really a village fans. It is a lie and telling lies is very bad. There is no Post Office that has ‘always been there’. There are no shops, especially ones of fashion times. The green grocer is also missing so when you tell your staff it is time for the shopping they will not know where to do this. I will make a bet you will also not find Britain’s top Policeman, Inspector Barnaby, there either.
For Me? I am renting the same humble house for Me and the team. In Britain they have a special phrase for when people are trying to make the tricks, it is, “making the hoodwinks”. I am very wise to this. I know I have already won Wimbledon this year. Mr. Wimbledon is thinking that by getting his staff to change the colours around his grounds that I will not notice it is the same place. It is fun! I play along so not to hurt his feeling.
Are you all ready for the opening ceremony? It really is a lot of trouble everybody has gone to, to celebrate Me. They are even hosting little side events like Track in the Fields, Gymnastic things, the Swims, and so many entertainments for those not lucky enough to have those golden tickets to see Me. Please try to enjoy them too. These athletes have been training for a very long time to provide the side entertainment.
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