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Archive for July, 2012

Let the GOAT begin

Posted in Olympics 2012, tagged , , , , , , , , on July 26, 2012 | 10 Comments »

Hello fans,

It has been some times since I have sent you a bloggings. I imagine your little lives have been waiting with anxiousness for My next news. Wait no more!

You see I needed to take a little vacation after a gruelling and very successful year so far. I have achieved so much and extended My records yet further still. As you all appreciate, I know, a little humble break every month can really give the GOAT batteries a much needed recharge.

I’m here really today to answer some things that everybody keeps asking Me. Why am I not staying in the Olympic Village?

Well firstly I may have been born at night, but I was not born two nights ago. It is not really a village fans. It is a lie and telling lies is very bad. There is no Post Office that has ‘always been there’. There are no shops, especially ones of fashion times. The green grocer is also missing so when you tell your staff it is time for the shopping they will not know where to do this. I will make a bet you will also not find Britain’s top Policeman, Inspector Barnaby, there either.

For Me? I am renting the same humble house for Me and the team. In Britain they have a special phrase for when people are trying to make the tricks, it is, “making the hoodwinks”. I am very wise to this. I know I have already won Wimbledon this year. Mr. Wimbledon is thinking that by getting his staff to change the colours around his grounds that I will not notice it is the same place. It is fun! I play along so not to hurt his feeling.

Are you all ready for the opening ceremony? It really is a lot of trouble everybody has gone to, to celebrate Me. They are even hosting little side events like Track in the Fields, Gymnastic things, the Swims, and so many entertainments for those not lucky enough to have those golden tickets to see Me. Please try to enjoy them too. These athletes have been training for a very long time to provide the side entertainment.

Humbly yours,
PF xxx

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Jimmy Fallon and Sardines

Posted in Media, tagged , , , , , , , , , on July 12, 2012 | 11 Comments »

Hello from Sunny Sardinia!

I did plan to make the quiet times after a growling 2 weeks with Mr. Wimbledon. Sometimes we need to make the breaks from what we do in our jobs. The tennis court is My office. We have a little kitchens where you can have fruit and little snacks. Ball servants that fetch you things like the interns people. Slightly uncomfortable chairs. A water dispensers and, in Mr. Wimbledon’s court, we also have available a pleasant selection of fruit drinks from Mrs. Robinson. She is older than Me.

So why am I making the bloggings?

Well this week one of My favorite television stars that make the comedy on the television made an impersonation of Me. What do I think of people pretending to be Me? At first I didn’t know about his sketch then one of My staff told Me. I replied, “Oh really? Is it funny?”

The name of the impersonator is Jimmy Fallon. He makes the GOAT smile, usually for the approximations of 10 minutes 52 seconds at a time. As you can make the imaginations, this is something I must enjoy a lot! I cannot remember the last time I smiled for this sort of time span. It cannot be longer than about two weeks ago.

I saw on My tweetings timeline that many fans were also making the comments. Obviously everybody agreed that nobody can replicate the original Me but we should still enjoy James’s work here on this occasion. I will use internet technologies to insert the videos at the end of this note from Me and it will appear that your television has entered My bloggings!

Sardinia is beautiful! I really recommend spending your time away from your office here too. Preferably on a humble private yacht. Mirky seems a bit down and says she wanted to come here a few days ago and that we came a bit late. Not sure why as this island has been here for a long time so hasn’t changed or made any evolutions. I think I am making some revealings that I do study in My hobby a lot of geneology (the study of how the earth is made up of plates). So I tried to explain to her that it doesn’t matter when we came in our life times as the plates have been here longer.

OK fans. I will kick back and for once let Chef and My staff do all the work. This evening I have arranged for a private and romantic dinner for 26.

Hear from Me again as I prepare for the Olympics! Strange that it was in Beijing last time, from here I will be travelling directly to Greece.

PF xo

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Dog & Fox Pub

Posted in Wimbledon, tagged , , , , , , , , , on July 9, 2012 | 12 Comments »

Good evening from your Champion!

I had a pleasant day, had a gentle morning, played tennis this afternoon and then H1S7ORY.

You’ve already heard My press conferences and interview with Sue (Minx) Barker. As My tweetings said during the interview, I feel that she made the intentions of brushing past My GOAT bottoms. I am making debates about whether I should report her to Mr. Wimbledon for the harassments . I think I need to complete some application forms first.

After doing the obligatory interviews confirming how great I am My staff had a surprise for Me. I smiled for 9 minutes and 52 seconds when I saw it! It was an Emperor’s Sedan Chair. I will attach a photo for you here in this bloggings. They must have had it flown over from one of My homes. The plan was that they wanted to carry Me back to the apartment in it. I said yes.

It took longer than expected, especially negotiating the traffic stop lights. People in Wimbledon Village did a lot of the starings but I am used to this as everybody loves to see Me.

I realised that the staff member on the front-right was not as fast as the other three. I wasn’t sure in the beginnings but when I saw the Dog & Fox pub three times going around the roundabout circles at the end of Church Road this made the confirmations.

As you can make the imaginations, I had to fire him immediately for insubordination. then I realised I was one person short (front-right). Replacing him was not straight forward. We had to organise interviews, checking of the backgrounds, selection then training (rigorous). I got home eventually and here I am.

About the match? Well I am a little angry here. Mr. Wimbledon told Me that I was the local hero. In fact, no matter where I play the crowd always support Me over anybody else. But today I did not feel this. I was a lot surprised because the Prime Ministerial Boss of Great Britain, David Cameroon was there. One assumed they would be more obedient with their boss and Me in the house. I nearly shouted Shut Up several times but decided to detain Myself in case Andrew aimed a ball at My trophies like he did with Tsonga.

I was surprised to learn that as well as winning I am the number one seedling too! Really? You’re welcome!

Now I am making the preparations for the Olympics and we are going for Go1d.

Till next time,

PF xxx

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I Have a Dream

Posted in RolandGarros on July 7, 2012 | 9 Comments »

In the celebrations of reaching My Wimbledon final I had a call on My FedBerry from Bjorn Borg sending Me his congratulations. I said yes. To celebrate he gave Me special permissions to pen and improve the lyric on a song he wrote when he was in ABBA.

I present to you: I Have A Dream – feel free to do the singing as you read:

———————————-

I am a dream, a song to sing
To help you cope with anything
When you see the wonder, of the yachts I sail
I can take the future, I will never fail
I believe in Wimbledon
Green green grass everywhere I see
I believe in Sue Barker
She always knows when the time is right for Me
I’ll cross Church Road, I have a dream

I am a dream, a real life fantasy
I help you through reality
And my Humbleness makes it worth the while
Pushing you through your dark lives still another mile
When I look in My mirror
It’s very good in everything I see
When I look in My mirror
I really know My box has Gwen StaFunny
I’ll cross the oceans, on Fed Force One
I’ll cross the seas, it’s great to be Me

Wimbledon is My dream, your song to sing
The tough draw helps Me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of the Little Guys
You have to wonder, why I didn’t get the byes
I believe in HIS7ORY
Pistol Peter says I am great in everything he sees
He says I am his angel
I’m not sure he is right for Me
I’m always so humble, even when Chef serves Me My tea
I have a dream, a Wimbledream

————————————————–

Here is the remindings of the original:

PF xxx

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Ask The GOAT, The Revealings

Posted in Personal, tagged , , , , , , , on July 5, 2012 | 20 Comments »

Happy Thursday Day fans!

We are again in the finals of the semis! As much as this should be a time of rejoice I want to be open with you about some negative emoticons I am feeling in these moments.

This morning a member of staff said to Me over breakfast times:
“Why does everyone say your Slam record is ‘amazing’ for consistently getting this far when all you ever do is play the Little Guys until the semi-finals? Surely it would be ‘amazing’ if you did not reach this far? You are the GOAT after all.”

I found such comments distasteful, inaccurate and offensive. I was so angry I gestured to a more loyal member of staff to shout a them on My behalf. It was so upsetting I was unable to finish My lightly scrambled eggs with foie gras and Chef had to take it away to make the disposings.

However, let’s focus on the positive things like My taking the trouble to choose some questions to answer from My recent #AskTheGOAT competition! Remember the winner of the best question will be followed by Me on the Twitter!

To create the tensions as to who is the winner I will type this bloggings slowly so it takes you longer to read and you will be in the suspensions.

@HannyHou – Disqualified for asking too many questions. You’re fired.
@pauline_hurley – As you noted yourself. Disqualified for too many questions.

I know it’s very unlike Me to make the complimentations outside of the bathroom mirror. But on this occasions I want to say I read every tweetings and they met with My approval and it was difficult to do the choosings.

GOAT Answers: No

GOAT Answers: The first time I was asked to write an Automaticalography I was 4 years of age. My staff advised Me at the time that it was not a good contract and as you know, the rest is written in the books of history. Maybe one day, soon.

GOAT Answers: Obviously No. I chose to not win four years ago other than in doubles with Stanford. I rubbed his tummy afterwards to ensure he felt special. Oh how things have changed. Since St. David’s Cup this year we have hardly spoken. I may choose to get the Olympic Gold for Myself this year.

GOAT Answers: This is actually why I do this. Imagine a tennis circuit world with only Me. Imagine the interviews, press conferences. Imagine the humbleness.

GOAT Answers: You’re getting confused between GOATs and Sheep.

GOAT Answers: Oh Wooffie fan. This would be so exciting for everybody. All guests would be able to buy fashion from the endless shops. Just imagine the white soldier jackets, the watches, the fun time colours! Probably the biggest attraction would be a Cinema Theatre Megaplexes where fans could watch My greatest victories that I chose to win (extra charge applies).

GOAT Answers: Those beneath Me I like to call the Little Guys. It’s easier to make distiguishings this way as they all look the same to Me. How do I decide? It’s actually a complicated process. I actually make this decision when I am match point down. In this moment I start to wonder if I want to win it. If I lose the point then I decide that I didn’t.
GOAT Answers: I don’t know anything about the history of the game other than Mine but yes, I do sometimes feel I was born in the wrong eras because of the fashion times. Have you ever watched the TV Hit series The Mad Men?

GOAT Answers: No I have never taken to people doing the imitations of Me. However, they see unbelievable success and want some too. It’s good to dream if you’re a Little Guy.

GOAT Answers: This is a strange question as I am the same person now as I was then as a little “kid”. I have grown bigger and eat more things. I can drive too. Which is just as well as I have a nice collection out the back. #justsayin.

GOAT Answers: I think just being here. Allowing people to look up to Me. Sometimes it’s good to have things you know you’ll never achieve because it makes you keep trying even though it is without fruit.

Thank you fans! This was such fun. I feel like I have chatted with all of you personally in your own small living rooms.

The winner is… @poornaramani – Congratulations Poorna! Please go and speak to all your friends and family! Tell them what you have achieved in your life!

PF xxx

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Ask The GOAT

Posted in Personal, tagged , , , , , , , , , on July 2, 2012 | 19 Comments »

Hello fans,

I want you to know My back is OK. I have been doing My special exercises that I mentioned in the after-match chat and it feels good. So don’t worry.

This bloggings today is about you. I want to give you a gift I know will make you happy. I am doing a questions and few answers session using technology of the big wide web. Over the next few days you can send Me a questions on the twitter using the hash taggings #AskTheGOAT – then I will see them.

I will pick the questions I like and answer them on a future bloggings and your Twitter name will appear by your question and will be public. This means everybody can see it.

The best question will win a prize of… are you making the waiting? …. the user of the best question will be followed on Twitter by Me!

Here are the rules:

  1. I decide which questions to answer. My staff and I will read all of them.
  2. Unseeded rubbish questions will be ignored.
  3. I will decide which questions I choose to ignore and will not justify Myself to anybody (except Mr. Harmans).
  4. If I am already following you and you win, I will unfollow then follow you.
  5. If I do not like the tweetings the winner makes I may still unfollow you in the future at any given time.
  6. My Friends, family members and staff are eligible to enter.
  7. Questions from females and males will be treated equally, but please do not tell Gilles Simon.
  8. One question per tweeter. If anybody submits more than one question I will say “Shut Up”.
  9. All questions must be about Me.
  10. I may change the rules at any time without notice.

Put on your thinking head garments and start tweeting, do not forget: #AskTheGOAT

PF xxx

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Psychology of the Secrets!

Posted in Personal, tagged , , , , , , , , on July 1, 2012 | 7 Comments »

First I need to make a small print statement:

Do Not Read This If You Are a Tennis player Playing Right Now. Only Old Ones And Normal People Can Read This

I thought it would be nice to use My bloggings on this middle Wimbledon Sunday to not give My opinion, but to give My fans some insights into Me. This is a privileged guide for you.

I believe we should never make pre-assumptions so let’s start with the basics. Psychology is the study of the head (the part under the hair).

Why have I been such a great champion? There are so many reasons I hear you say. And this is true, I agree with you. But let Me share some little fun tricks and insights with you that contributed to My standing out from the Little Guys.

1. The first trick I like to share is the Sociable Psychology.
I recommend you, as and up and coming player, to not mix with the other players throughout your career. Especially the Little Guys. If you represent your country in the Olympic games do not stay at the Olympic villages for example. Rent a humble house for you and your staff. If the players organise a party times, do not attend. Make your own parties with close friends such as Tigers that live in the Woods, or Gwen VeryFunny. These parties can be just as fun!

If the other players organise little events like soccer matches, do not attend. You may get injured and if you carry this into a tournament you may need to call the trainer during a match. And you always need to avoid this because you know what Tommy Haas gets like when this happens.

- So, why do this? I will tell you the secrets. This gives you something special called the “Perceptions Effect”. It means when they do see you, you become the reality of the mystical figures. Suddenly you are standing in nice cardigans across the net from them. For them it is like they are meeting Harold Potter.

Already you have the big advantage!

2. Change racquets during a set.
Do this as the opponent is about to serve and you want to break him. Such as 4-4 or 4-3. the Perceptions Effect here is that they think you will have a very BIG tennis racquets! But guess what? This is very funnies. It is not true! Your racquet is actually the same size!!!!!

Again you have a big advantage as they are about to serve!

Here is everybody’s friend Henry The Count making demonstrations.

3. The Humble Effect.
Here you need to make best friends forever (BFFF) with the people of the influences. Find out who they are and grace them with humble interviews about yourself. This, rightly, also makes them feel like they have been in the presence of Harold Potter.

- Why do this? Because this means you can shout “Shut Up” to fans and other players’ families yet still be called humble. This is not the magic effect but the Humble Effect and you should never make the under estimations of this. However, this can have the effect of the opposites and they may become like stalkers. I often get text messages on My FedBerry from somebody that shall remain nameless whose name rhymes with Blue Darker. The message is “COME ON MY GOAT”. I don’t mind, but it can be off putting during a match when I want to do courtside tweetings to My fans.

——————

There we have it My fans. An insiders guide to Me. You’re welcome.
Please study the great psycholgists of our time and maybe one day you may have your own guide to share. I recommend reading:

- Signal Fraud – he was great but had personal issues I think, so don’t read too much otherwise you’ll never look at your mother in the same way again.
- Ivan Karlovic Pavlov – he was very clever but makes you feel hungry so make sure your Chef is nearby.

Now we can look forward to My last week with Mr. Wimbledon. The final should be exciting! I hope to see you there!

PF xxx

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