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Archive for June, 2012

V1CTORY

Posted in Wimbledon, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on June 30, 2012 | 7 Comments »

Hi Little Guys!

Such a fun and exciting day!

Did you enjoy the match? I did as Anna WinterTimes came to see Me. Hello Anna, I make the little wave from the bloggings.

After putting the special roof on Centre Court Mr. Wimbledon promised Me he’d leave it on so we didn’t make a repeat of interruptions like last night’s match with Rafael Nadal with the Rissoles. So the roof was on all day even though it didn’t rain. Perfecto I thought! But Mr. Wimbledon also made promises of an easy opponents. When the match started I kept checking that the roof was not doing the cheeky openings so My GOAT eyes were not always on the balls. This is all that happened, nothing to worry about.

Afterwards the nice press people asked Me about Rafa and I say, “In the 5th it was just a joke, I was laughing in disbelief 10 minutes after match ended.” – yes I really did say this. I must be honest and humble with My fans. But it was funny wasn’t it? In the car on the way home one of My staff asked Me if the Roland Garros final of 2008 was also funny. This staff member now does not work for Me.

I had several distractions today which affected this evening’s match. I will list them in a list. Here is the list:

- Karlovic. how many times? Too tall. I watched him in a doubles match and was stunned the ATP have not banned him for being too tall. I made the photograph on My FedBerry at court no.16. I present the photo as evidence. The girl ball servant in this picture is 6 feet and 4 inches. Karlovic? Too Tall.

- My next distraction? As you know, I was in the special disguises today mixing with you in the Wimbledon grounds. I was by the outside irrelevant courts as I wanted to watch the Little Guys play their matches. Then somebody recognised Me! My secrets were exposed and I did some blushings. Naturally being the GOAT I allowed this person to spend some time with Me and My staff. It was so nice for her and she was so happy to meet Me….. yes. You know who you are. Hello. I will not do the revealing as to who this was as a good writer, which I aspire to be, does not reveal their sauces.

- I make some admissions now. I was quite angry and I made the agitations and caused a little scene in the Wimbledon Shop. I noticed that they were selling an illegal Digital Video Discs. Again I took the photograph as I have learned that in order to do things now you must show your evidences and proof readings. Mr. Wimbledon, I trust these will be removed asapps.

There isn’t any tennis on now until Monday so I wish all of you a great weekend times.

Try and have some fun and remember tell your bosses that you need next after next Sunday off. Make the party times!

PF xxx

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Disqualified

Posted in Wimbledon, tagged , , , , , , , on June 29, 2012 | 2 Comments »

Dear Fun Fans!

What an evening! The emotions were running very high in My humble house tonight. Italia beat Angela Merkel (she is a German big boss lady) during the soccer matches and Rafael Nadal lost to Rosol in the finals of the 2nd round match in Wimbledon, 2012.

I have a little spring in My shoes and I am not sure why.

First of all commiserations to Mr. Nadal. We need to face the truth, this is a big loss to the Championships. But this does not mean it’s a bad thing. Every cloud has some linings. We must all stay calm and remember I am still in it. Obviously we must continue to have faith in Mr. Wimbledon. He put Rosol on Rafa’s side without Me asking. Merci. However, now I have seen him play I put on My thinking hats.

I told a member of staff to retreive My copy of the tennis rule book (1918 edition) and there are some issues I need to discuss with Mr. Wimbledon when I see him tomorrow. Namely:

- I have won Wimbledon before and have never received a bye to the final. Apparently this should have been implementations. Perhaps we can do this from tomorrow?

- Rosol may have to be disqualified because he hits the balls too fast. This is dangerous play and if he hits a line judge person their leg may bleed. I always tell the kids, “prevention is better than suppressing the symptoms”. Safety first. Disqualified.

- Mr. Wimbledon never did report back to Me as to why Andrew Murray has so many people in his team called “Murray”. No where in My book of rules does it actually say this is allowed. Disqualified.

-  I do not wish to be called a snitch person so I will say “my friend” says Novak Djokovic has two careers. I believe this is called the lighting up of the moon. He is a impersonation person but a very bad one. I saw on the television set that he had a blond fake hair and calling himself Maria. That’s not My name. That’s not My name. I view this as behaviour of the unsporting. Disqualified.

I know you will be upset but I have to cut this quickly. I have a match tomorrow and need to go to bed. For you fans lucky enough to be at Wimbledon I will be in disguise, mixing with the crowds before and after My match. I was so fascinated from this perspective on Tuesday I want to do it again on a day when I am playing so I can feel the atmosphere on Humble Hill!

If you’re very lucky you may just brush pass Me without even realizing.

Always your GOAT
xxx

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Backstage with Mr. Wimbledon

Posted in Wimbledon, tagged , , , , , , , , , on June 27, 2012 | 9 Comments »

Hello My great peoples!

Yesterday, 26 of the Junes 2012, was My rest day at the Wimbledon Championships after My first round match.

Every year you will be findings that us very top players (that win on blue clay H1STORY)) have a routines. This year I thought I should break this habit. So I dressed in a special disguises and mixed with you normal people in the grounds of the All of Britain Club, of the Law and Tennis Associations. I wanted to see how it felt to My fans. Here are My discoverings!

Upon entering the gate two men offered to look through My GOAT bag and give Me a security check. I agreed after a little fight. It’s a shame My friend David ‘Soprano’ Nalbandian has already left, he is a good one to have around in these situations.

It was a learning experience to see things from the other side of the periscopes. But let’s stick with the very important things:

1. The food was quite acceptable. I sampled everything I could within reasons. Critique? Yes. I discovered I could buy “Fish and Chips”, but not the chips alone. I also may have purchased a burger with the chips but again, these could not be separated. OK for meat eaters. But hardly appropriate for vegetable people.

2. Mr. Wimbledon has placed a generic statue as a gesture as if to say “reserved”. This will be replaced upon My retirement  with a bronze statue of Me.

3. Judy Murray (I don’t think she is related to Mr. Wimbledon) should be commended for her tireless work for tennis. Seriously, she is always there with her players and she doesn’t mind mixing with normal people (odd). She supported many players today as she is the top boss for one of My organisations, the Fed Cup. If the Queen does not honour her as Lady Judy Murray I would be willing to visit her palace in Buckingham and fire her.

4. Ivan Lentils was wearing very fashionable sun protection spectacles today. Firstly I was relieved. You see in Roland Garros Boris Becker came to one of My matches wearing extra large ones. So it was pleasing to see something so sharp on Mr. Lentils. At least it was not from 1976. I have a little doggy fan called Margaret Mayhem. She follows My tweeting account and I follow hers. She is no ordinary doggy. She has special access to Ivan so she has promised to find out the make of these glasses for My collection. If you’re not already following her humble tweetings please do: @maggiemay_hem

5. There is a part of Mr. Wimbledon’s garden that apparently used to be named after a player. He was from a long time ago when the world used to be in black and white and it was named, “Henman’s Hilltop”. After a short discussions one of My fans today renamed it, “Humble Hill” in My honour which I accept. So please refer to it as this from this moment onwards in time.

6. During the evening I walked passed Mr. Harmans. He is one of Britains finest and this year is celebrating his 25th Championships. His tweetings name is: @NeilHarmanTimes  - unfortunately we were both in a hurry so he did not get the pleasure of meeting Me. What did I learn from Mr. Harmans in such a short moment? Immaculately dressed, almost to My standards and also insists of mixing with the normal people (odd).

7. There are Wimbledon Shops where you are able to buy little gifts to remember the day you came to see Me. I encourage you to buy some mementos if you get the opportunities. However, they sell some tennis balls that are of an incorrect size. Do not try to play tennis with these please as they are the size of footballs.

I also noticed the shop items had price tags which surprised Me. I think this is because of the credit crunches and the degradable banks.

All in all this was a fun experience. Would I recommend you visit where Mr. Wimbledon lives? Yes. It’s certainly a lifetime ambition for each and every one of you, especially if I am playing. Would I recommend for someone to be a normal person? No.

Hugs
PF xxx

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If…

Posted in Wimbledon, tagged , , , , , , , , on June 24, 2012 | 31 Comments »

On the eve of Mr. Wimbledon 2012 I thought it was time for making some reflections.

Many of My British fans will remember Me and Rafa reading this poem before  we played each other in the 2008 Wimbledon final (which I lost on a technicality; it was dark). It was originally written by Mr. Kiplings who also makes exceedingly good cakes. Fans outside the UK may have seen the video on MyTube.

As you know, lately I have been letting My GOAT fingers do the talking and I know much of what I say you fun guys consider poetries anyway. But I wanted to lick the envelope, go two steps further. So I have taken Mr. Kiplings’ poem and made some enhancements which I know you will like. Watch the video to remind yourself, then read the new and correct version.

IF you can be Humble when all about You
Are losing theirs and blaming it on You,
If you can trust Yourself when  Tommy Haas beats You,
But make allowance for his age too;
If you can go 5 sets and not be tired by running,
Always remember, Your hair looks stunning,
Or being adored, give way to being adored,
And yet You look too good, and talk too wise:

If Goffin can dream – and realise I am his master;
If you can serve – but somehow not keep Your aim;
Playing on orange clay does not end with Triumph, but Disaster
Djokovic? Nadal? Treat those two imposters just the same;
You will be so happy to hear the truth I’ve spoken
My racquets are not only My art but My tools,
Watch the things I do on court, they are a little token,
The entire package is Me… Mr. Cools

I doubt you can ever make one tenth of all My winnings
You’ll never serve first, because I win the coin toss,
You’ll lose, and start again at your beginnings
And I will keep talking about your loss;
Many try to force Me into an error,
Little do they realise, I have a bag full (of unforced errors),
And so hold on, you know You’re the best,
Except you play Nadal, then You’re just like the rest :(

I can talk with the crowds, tell them to ‘Shut up’,
I am your King – what is a common touch?
To a Serbian family I say tut-tut,,
All staff count on You, way too much;
Fire them quickly, within less than a minute,
Within sixty seconds I will make you run,
But not too fast, Chef says My dinner is on a skillet,
He says, eat it all up and You’ll be a GOAT, my son!

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My letter to @Wimbledon

Posted in Wimbledon, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on June 20, 2012 | 15 Comments »

Good morning fans!

Every year I write a letter to My friends at the Wimbledon. It’s like a tradition we have together. This year because of bloggings technology I thought you would all be so happy to see it so I am sharing it.

I tried to get in contact with Jim Courier to make the deliveries it but his people said he doesn’t do this. I wish he would make up the mind.

————————

Dear Mr. Wimbledon,

I hope you are well. I am.

Here is My usual anniversary letter with the requests for this year’s draw into the Law and Tennis Associations.

I request NOT to be on My side of the draw:
Nadal – I have spoken with Bjorn Borg and we don’t like him.
Djokovic – Noisy families, keeps winning.
Tom Haas – Has an unhealthy interest in other players and their injuries and he beat me in the Halle.
Andrew Murray – Can beat Me. Everybody around him also seems to be called Murray. Suspicious. This is like Paul Anaconda being called Paul Roger. Please investigate, high priority.
Isner – He beat Me in St. David’s Cup and too tall.
Tsonga – He is the French one that knocked Me out last year. There is also something strange on his head this year.
Raonic – Strange name. Too many vowels.
Nalbandian – Dangerous but a good friend to have around in gangster situations.
John McEnroe – He has beaten Borg and is STILL playing now, can you check whether this is legal?
Bartoli – Her serve motions make me frightened.

I request you CAN put on My side of the draw:
Andrew Roddick – He is usually on My side so OK. His cap is always wet.
Lleyton Hewitt – as above
Baghdatis – as above but without the hat.
Goffin – He is the little boy. You can hype this match up a lot with no serious reason. Yes.
Sue Barker – She won the French Open but is quite small.
Johnathan Lloyd – Apparently he used to like having the photos taken of himself in his undergarments. I am not comfortable with how small the fitting was.
Patrick McEnroe – He had a great career as a doubles player and also part of a famous musical duets with Paul Simon.

Thank you for the usual considerations. As usual, Centre Court only, don’t do a Garros on Me.

Sincerely,
GOAT

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Halle, Haas and Towels

Posted in Halle 2012, tagged , , , , , on June 17, 2012 | 4 Comments »

Dear fans of Mine,

As always I appreciate your constant support. I think of each and every one of you, sometimes.

Today I lost to Tom Haas in the Andrew Lloyd Weber tournament. I have some comments.

First, I want to say this is a big relief. All week somethings did not feel correct. The grass was not as I felt that it should have been: Centre Court was a little boxy, no Sue Barker, no Boris Becking with large sun protection spectacles, no strawberries with the creams. Today during the final I realised I was not at the Wimbledon! Upon such realizations I chose to lose as I noticed all the other top ones are either on the vacations or went out of their tournaments early. So the realities is, I won!!!

Now some words about Herr Haas. I have heard that he has appointed himself as top ATP physio person specialist. How does this affect the players? I believe that when playing him, if you need a trainer to touch your legs during a match you now have to ask Haas for the permissions and not the umpire (the one who sits in the very high chair). If you don’t do this I understand Haas will get very upset and make opinions about you.

So, I know you all want to know how I skilled Myself in deciphering that I was not in Wimbledon? At first this was tricky. Yes. But somethings just did not seem real. Like in movies like Matrix with Jim Reeves. I give you an examples. This morning Andrew Lloyd Weber let Me in the court very very early so I could hit Paul Anaconda’s balls. This is normal for top players. It was around 6 o’clocks in the am. I looked around and saw that all the seats in the stadium had towels on them. Then I looked at the players’ bench and I noticed Haas had already been here before Me and already had a towel on his bench. Maybe this is a traditions?

Now I have a week off. I will build up for My favourite tournament composing My annual letter to Wimbledon. Because now we have internet technologies, this year I will share it with you via this bloggings so watch My space. Today’s culture is all about being invisible because everything should be transparent.

I hope I have a great evening, take care of Myself, I will talk to you soon.

xxx

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Andrew Lloyd Weber Open in Halle

Posted in Halle 2012 on June 15, 2012 | 6 Comments »

Dear fans,

Danke to all My supporters who came to see Me in the box stadium. I have settled down after the flight of long hauls from Paris (France). As you saw in this afternoon’s match, I was still doing the suffering from the jetflags.

We need to agree that I am approaching the final chapter of My career. I would like to announce for you this German evening that at presents I am only planning to play for another twenty six and a half years.

I had no problems against the Raonic but did suffer a little of the flashbacks. We all know how these affected Jack, the man who lived in Hawaii, the island inhabited by Polar Bears and black smoke. You see Raonic’s hair did not move for the entire match. This reminded me of playing Novaks. In addition in the first set I wasn’t sure if I was playing David Hasslinghoffs as I know he is still popular in Germany. This explains My match today. I want to make the assurings that everything is fine and I am on course for making HI6TORY!

I am typing this in My locker room after performing in the Press Conferences. I don’t enjoy them here as much. My favourite Journos such as Mr Harmans from The Times are not here. Also I am typing from a special program on My FedBerry called an “app”. I believe this is an abbreviations for “applause” as it is so pleased to be on My phone. So if I make some mistakes you will forgive Me as I am all fingers and the toes.

Speak soon! xxx

Posted from “WordPress for FedBerry”

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Exclusive interview with Me

Posted in Interviews, tagged , , , , , , , , on June 13, 2012 | 10 Comments »

This is an interview with one of My favourite Journalists and was conducted specifically for My bloggings for My fans.

Journo: My thanks to Roger for taking time from His busy schedule for this interview.
Me: Yes

Journo: How would You describe Your life and career at the moment?
Me: For My life, I was born as a boy in Swizerland, went to school and became an adult. My career, I play tennis which is a game with two bats called racquets and a round ball. You hit it over the net to your opponent. Hopefully they don’t hit it back.

Journo: How does it make You feel when people describe you as the Greatest player Of All Time, sometimes referred to as GOAT?
Me: Yes

Journo: What do You say to critics that suggest this term should not be used as you can’t compare eras?
Me: ”Shut up”

Journo: But can you really and fairly compare tennis through its history?
Me: You can compare obviously. In the beginning they used to use racquets made from trees, I’m not sure where the strings came from. But now they are made of more modern things. This is a comparison. If you couldn’t compare things the word would not be in the existence. I have seen it in the dictionaries.

Journo: What do You think of the Women’s game at the moment?
Me: I think it’s very competitives and I especially like the fashion aspect. The colours are such fun in the Summer times.

Journo: What was Your favourite time in tennis history?
Me: About 9:30 in the evening when I settle down and make the relaxings after being on court.

Journo: Sorry, I mean, what did You think of John ‘the Mac’ McEnroe for example?
Me: Oh I see yes. Well I think it’s great, especially for the kids. Sometimes we take them there as a special treat. They have a play area and you get toys in the Happy Meals. I like the Fillet-O-Fishes. You have to be careful of the amount of sugar in milking shakes but I think they are improving this.

Journo: You travel so much. Other than Switzerland, what is Your favourite country?
Me: Italia.

Journo: Why is that?
Me: I like the tapas and the gondolas.

Journo: The gondolas are in Venice, I don’t believe there’s a tournament there.
Me: I’m not sure, I will check and get back to you.

Journo: What do you think of Spain?
Me: I’ve never been.

Journo: You won in Madrid this year, on the blue clay.
Me: I love it there.

Journo: You’ve had such great success on grass. What do You like so much about Wimbledon? It must be such a special place for You.
Me: Yes it really is. I love everything about it. The traditions, the white, the strawberries and the ice creams. The people there make it so special for Me. Sue Parker is probably My biggest fan, she is lovely. John Floyd too although I feel a little uncomfortable at some of the old photos of him in his undergarments. Tim Tenman is fun. Andrew that lives in a Castle talks a lot as though he is on the QVC but also says nice things.

Journo: What about the great Boris? 
Me: I think he’s incredible. It’s amazing to Me that he moved from the tennis and into politics and now he is the Mayor of London! I think with his busy schedule being the boss of London he is training a lot less now. I like his hair.

Journo: What do You think about the comments that Virginia Wade made about Andy Murray during Roland Garros 2012?
Me: I prefer not to discuss this because I can never make the correct pronunciations of this Lady’s name. Mirky usually tells me off so we move to the next questions please.

Journo: What do You think of tall players?
Me: I don’t like them. They are too tall. I think we should have in tennis on the court itself the little height restriction barriers like in the fun fair and if you are taller than the bar height that I set and you hit it with your head you be disqualified.

Journo: You often describe clay court tennis as having “wider margins” suggesting it’s somehow easier than grass or hard court. Yet most people have the opposite opinion saying it’s probably the most difficult surface to truly master. Hence why so many great champions such as Yourself win on grass but so few consistently win on clay. Can you explain why Your opinion is the opposite to everybody else?
Me: No.

Journo: Thanks so much Roger. It’s been such a pleasure to spend this time with You.
Me: Yes.

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Halle

Posted in Halle 2012 on June 11, 2012 | 8 Comments »

Hello fans, good evenings,

We have arrived in Halle and everything is wonderful. It is nice to see the grass again, “the green green grass of home” as Thomas Jones used to say. Look him up as one of the best people in the history.

It is quite fitting that the French Opens ended in a draw on Sunday evening. Sometimes these things happen in the sport. But let’s look forward, quickly. As I  wrote in my tweetings earlier today, I am going for a massive record here in Halle. Nobody in the history has as many victories here, not even Bjorn Borg. He was such a great champion and especially so that he also had a massively successful pop career group before growing the stubbles and going into tennis. Probably you have some records, keep them. History should be compulsory in the school.

I have nothing else to say.

See you in the final! Although I need to have the little words with Mr Weber about putting the Raonic on My side of the draws. I have heard the Rafa is on the way here. He is a Silly Billy and obviously confused as he should be at the Queens.

Kisses xxx

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Caroline Wozniacki

Posted in RolandGarros on June 8, 2012 | 16 Comments »

Bonsoir Mon fans,

Did not do much today. I am playing in a very small tournament at the moments waiting for the real season of the tennis to start in Halle.

I want to start by discussings some very important things. My number one seedlings. I want to take this moment to show my admirations for Caroline Woznicackiackis. I never made any small or big accusations about her when she achieved her number one seedling without winning a John Majors. I promise. I think this kind of achievement is very difficult to do. You will make the notes that hardly anybody has ever done this in the open era, or back in the olden times ago. Not even Pistol Peter did this! I want to re-confirm that this year I am trying to make replications of her greatness. By the way, please do not change the points systems.

I know what you want to hear. You are waiting for Me to talk about today’s unimpotent match against the man with the noisy families. Firstly I had a magnificent tournaments! I reached the finals of the semis!!! The draw was extremely difficult but I did the battling. But, as I disclosed this evening to the media associations, I have a bad hip. For those of you that are not Doctor people, this is the top part of the leg, inside the skin. Anyway, I did not want to use it as an excuse so waited until I lost to make the mentions after the match to the Swiss Press.

Some of you lucky ones may have seen My interview on Eurosport on Wednesday in the studios with Mats WingLander. It was fun. I confirmed that I was “on fire” in My match of the Quarters against a tall boy. I also confirmed that Rafa’s achievements are OK on this artificial surface BUT the margins are much bigger than on proper surfaces. Coincidentals, the ones I have won on. So his victories are not as important as Mine. Today I proved how wide the margins are by making the creations of more Unforced Federrors than anybody in the history. This orange surface is just so easy that usually I choose not to win.

I really wanted to leave Paris this evenings but Mirky wanted to stay. This is quite unusuals. Apparently she has an old friend that she is meeting on Sunday afternoons so I won’t see her at all. I know it is an important thing for her as she has already bought a stunning red and yellow dress. I hope they have a lovely times.

Lastly the most important thing today was Boris Becking. He came to watch Me. Did you see his sun protection spectacles? They were rather big. Every time I made the turning around to face him I thought they had built one of those sky scrape buildings like in Dallas with J.R. Ewing. Please forward Me the address of where he made the purchases as I may make the small investments.

There is not much happening now in the world of Tennis until I play in beautiful Halle. I missed it last year and I had to write how sorry I was one hundred times.

See you in the final!

Bisous xxx

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